


MV 20 Easter Tidings

by katbear



Series: Master's Voice [20]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Family Feels, Family Issues, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-04 21:14:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14028870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katbear/pseuds/katbear
Summary: Issues, surprises and some hard decisions to make.





	MV 20 Easter Tidings

_**MV 20 - End of March, begins the day immediately following MV 19** _

*** *** ***

Ben was feeling pleasantly tired after dinner Sunday evening. The day had started off well – Qui had given him a massage to ease the kinks and soreness from their Saturday night heavy sex session, then let him off easy with a session of slow pushing hands practice rather than a formal tai chi lesson. The buzz from the physical activity and Qui’s compliment on his progress had energized him into doing a thorough cleanup of the garage. He had taken Myrna out for a short ride despite his sore ass and followed that up with a top to bottom burnishing, reminding her that he still loved her, too, as he removed every bit of dirt and polished every crevice. Ben indulged in some extra time simply sitting on Myrna and caressing her with a soft cloth.

Dinner had been early as Jane and Rafa were heading back to the church warehouse to help with assembling food baskets to be distributed before the upcoming Easter celebration. Qui had phoned to say he would be back late. Thus Ben found himself alone in the house at six o’clock. He pulled out his journal, thumbed through the most recent entries and grimaced when he saw how far back the last one was. Ben sighed as he thought about the changes in his life since he had first seen a certain tall, lanky ranger doing tai chi among his beloved trees. That already seemed like a long time ago, when in reality it had been less than a year ago, and only six months since his mate had joined him in Jane’s house.

“Well, shit. I’m the one who claimed he wanted to be a better person after Qui tore me a new one out at his old place last year, but I’ve been slacking off like a stupid tool. And I guess that whole thing with being jealous again was just another example of stuff I’ve still gotta work on.”

Ben dug a pen out of a desk drawer and set to work. He started out by writing down what he’d been doing over the last few weeks, things he had accomplished and things he wanted to do. Ben was deeply absorbed as he worked on describing the incident with Rebecca Barklay, how he had felt and what he felt he needed to change about his reactions.

Ben put in a note about his lingering resentment about how hot that damned kiss had seemed to him and how uncomfortable it had made him, even though Qui seemed to blow him off about that part - he wondered if that was something he needed to talk to Qui about and decided it definitely was, maybe even adding a chat about PDAs in general. He did want to go public eventually when they got married, so maybe it was time to start thinking about that sort of thing, especially given how 'hands-on' his mate was. Ben added a new paragraph and a little doodle of a pair of handcuffs. That was also definitely something he wanted to ask Qui about, this… He pondered a moment. This bondage stuff, I think it's called. That was weird, how fantastically turned-on he had felt once he got into it. I need to understand more about this.

The ringing of his cellphone jolted Ben out of his preoccupation. His earlier contentment vanished and he frowned at the irritating object, even though the ringtone indicated it was his sister Maureen calling. The time on the phone’s screen indicated it was almost seven o’clock.

Ben cleared his throat and his thoughts as he picked up the phone.

“Hey, Ben here. How ya doing?”

“Good. And you?”

Maureen was at home, just starting spring break from her classes at Georgetown Law School. They talked for a few minutes, getting caught up with each other’s life. Maureen spent five minutes just describing the latest blow-up between their father and Grandmother Lanahan. Maureen had popped up for a weekend visit at the beginning of the month - somehow Ben’s name had come up during Sunday family dinner at the mansion and their stern grandmother had told off everyone, mostly their father, but also their mother and even Lars, about ignoring the fact that Ben was their own flesh and blood. It had been intense and apparently relations had been even icier than usual between the two since then.

“Ben, is this a good time to talk?” asked Maureen abruptly.

“Yeah, sure.” Ben was puzzled by Maureen’s question; he thought they were already talking. “What’s up?”

“Look, I’ve got somebody here you need to speak to. But I want your word that you’ll be polite and make an honest effort to listen instead of just reacting.”

“Who is it?”

“I want your word first. I’ve been working on this for a while and it’s very important, so please don’t mess this up, little bro. Promise me you’ll listen, okay?”

“Well, alright, I promise. Just because this is for you.”

“Great. Hang on just a moment.”

Ben waited, phone in hand. His nerves twitched a little in apprehension. What the hell had his sister been up to that she felt she needed to extract his promise?

“Benjamin?”

Ben froze for a few seconds as the familiar voice sliced into wounds still not fully healed.

“Mother?” His voice sounded shaky even to him.

“Yes, Benjamin. Are you well, son?”

“Uh, yes, ma’am.” Ben’s thoughts whirled as he stumbled over words, only mundane inanities coming out. “I’ve got a job, a nice place to live. I’m okay.” That sounded stupid, he thought, what the fuck am I supposed to say after being thrown out and not hearing from you for almost two years. “How about you?”

“I have been staying busy.” There was a long pause. “Benjamin, I have been thinking of you, of us, for quite a while… and I have been worried about you. I have also had many long discussions with our new priest, Father Lawson. I needed to try to understand what is the right thing to do while still obeying God’s will.”

Well, I know where this shit is going. And if you were so fucking worried why haven’t you said anything until now? Ben bit back the caustic words that sprang to mind, mindful of his promise to Maureen. “Okay.”

“The first thing I need to say to you is that you are my son, flesh of my flesh and blood of my blood, as your grandmother is so fond of reminding me.” There was a faint tinge of acerbity to those last words. “Whatever you may do or be, nothing will change that. Father Lawson has shown me that the mere fact of being homosexual is not a sin.” There was the sound of a long indrawn breath. “What happened that night you left was wrong, and it should not have been that way. I was torn between you and your father and my faith, but ignorance is not a valid excuse. I wish to apologize for not doing anything that night to try to help you and ask for your forgiveness.”

Ben almost dropped the phone in shock. It was not at all what he had expected to hear. “Uh, I’m not sure how to respond to that. I mean, I appreciate what you’re saying, but I’m not sure I understand what’s really going on. I always thought that being a good Catholic was the most important thing to you, so you were going to take Father’s side because that’s what you were supposed to do?”

“I suppose I should have expected that.”

The pause lasted so long that Ben became uncomfortable. “Uh, Mother? You still there?”

“Yes. Benjamin, I know I haven’t been the best of mothers.” A sigh. “There are apparently very few actual maternal instincts in the Lanahan line of women. And I suppose it was a mistake to hide the rift between your father and me, but it was not something that either of us wanted discussed publicly. Faith has been my refuge for many years. That does not, however, mean blindly ignoring reality, nor should it have meant treating you the way we did. What is past is past, however, and I doubt very much if there is anything I can say to change your feelings about that. But we have to move forward with life as best we can. You are still my son, and I do care for you. That also means caring about what happens to you, both in this life and the hereafter.”

“Wow. That’s… that’s a lot to try to process, Mother.”

“I understand. I didn’t mean for this conversation to go quite this way, but perhaps it is for the best. You are an adult now and deserve to be treated as one, even if that means dealing with unpleasant or difficult things. My apology for that awful night is sincere, but I also understand if it is not possible for you to accept it.”

“I guess it's pretty hard to talk about this stuff, but I do appreciate that you are doing it.” Ben bit his lower lip a moment as he tried to think. “I’m still trying to figure this out, but I don’t want to be an asshole about things. I think I can accept your apology, but I hope you realize that I can’t change what I am.”

“I do. I am not asking you to change, even if I don’t understand it and am still trying to come to terms with the different things the church seems to be saying. I trust Father Lawson, though, so I accept that homosexuality itself does not make you a bad person or doom you to hell.”

Ben had to carefully consider his next words as snatches of religious teachings from his high school zinged around his head. He had to weigh that against the fact that this was his mother he was talking to. “That’s good to know. Ummm, Mother, I sort of thought maybe it makes a difference if I’m not abstaining?”

“Not…” There was a long pause. “OH… I think it does. I don’t wish to pry too much, son, but do you have … someone special? I mean, not just sort of in general not abstaining?”

Ben was surprised how well his mother seemed to be reacting and allowed himself a stray thought that perhaps Maureen really did understand her a hell of a lot better than it seemed he did. “Yes, I do. He is very special, Mother. We love each other.” There was a little smile on Ben’s lips.

“Ah. I will admit that was quite unexpected. I will have to think about this. Benjamin… I would like to see you. I could send you a ticket if you get some time to come home. There is a place for you here.”

The nascent loosening of bitter memories slammed to a halt as Ben stared at the phone in disbelief. “You’ve got to be kidding. Is that supposed to be some kind of horrible joke?”

“No, of course not. I am very serious. This estrangement is not easy for any of us, but it will never get any better if we just leave things as they are.”

“Estrangement? Is that what you’re calling it? I think Father would just call it good riddance.” Ben’s promise to Maureen flew out the window and his tone was acid. “Cutting me out of the will is one thing. I can’t say I was really expecting to ever get anything from you guys. But inviting me ‘home’ after that fucking restraining order? Are you trying to rub salt in the wound? Did Father put you up to this?”

“What are you talking about, Benjamin? I haven’t changed my will since you were born. And what is this nonsense about a restraining order?”

“Oh, come on. This isn’t nonsense - I got the written notices to prove it. I don’t know what kind of ‘rift’ you two have, but you are married, for Christ’s sake. I can’t believe you don’t know what’s going on.”

“Benjamin, don’t blaspheme. And I DON’T know what you are talking about.”

“Well, I guess maybe you’d better talk to your husband then. His signature is all over the documents. I’m sorry you’re suddenly feeling bad about things, but I’ve been hurting all this time. I’ve got a new home now, with people who like me just the way I am, so why don’t you just leave me the fuck alone.”

Ben cut off the call and flung the phone in the general direction of the bed. He leaned forward, eyes closed, his head on clenched hands. He felt like he had just been whipsawed and gut-punched, his emotions roiling from the impact of the warmth of a potential reconciliation being jerked into an icy pit of betrayal. Several minutes passed as Ben sat, hunched over, trying to breathe, trying to recover from the pain.

Finally, Ben took a deep shuddering breath and raised his head. He stood up and aimlessly walked out into their main room, pacing back and forth. He needed to move, to run, to drown his turbulent emotions in sweat. One glance into the darkness outside, snowflakes drifting down, told him he shouldn’t leave the house. He changed into sweats and moved to the treadmill. Soon the rhythmic pounding of feet replaced the silence of the old house.

Twice Ben thought he heard his cell phone, a lingering echo of Fur Elise in the dimness of the barely lit basement. He ignored the sound and kept running, trying not to think or feel.

The third time Ben was numb enough to stop. A glance at the wall clock told him it had been over an hour since he had started. The phone persisted and Ben wearily went back to the bedroom, grabbed the phone and dropped onto the bed.

“Yeah?”

“Ben?”

“Yeah?” grunted Ben again.

“ **Benjamin Sean Kennan!** **What the hell did you do**?” erupted from the phone.

Ben held the phone away from his ear as he winced. “What? What happened?”

“Mother came out of the room, handed me the phone and went down the stairs toward Father’s den. Next thing I hear is a bunch of yelling from the den, crashing noises like something fell, then Mother comes storming back out, just absolutely furious, and starts back up the stairs. She’s almost at the top when Father comes out of his den, cursing up one side and down the other, and he puts a foot on the bottom stair. Mother stopped, turned around and glared down at him. In this ice-cold voice, she told him something that sounded like ‘Don’t touch me, don’t talk to me. I don’t want to even see you, you miserable, homophobic, lying little man, or as God is my witness, I will start telling the world what you are really like and all of your dirty little secrets.’ Mother went to her room; Father just kind of turned white and stumbled back toward the den.

Since all that happened right after she was on the phone with you, I think it’s a reasonable assumption that something you said started it. So what did you two talk about?”

“Uh, well…” Ben really, really did not want to talk about that conversation right now, but he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that if he didn’t come clean he would very much regret the consequences. Avenging angels were a minor annoyance compared to Maureen Kennan when she was fired up. “It started out as a good conversation, I guess. I was incredibly surprised when she said she doesn’t believe just being a homosexual was a sin and wanted to apologize for what happened that night I got kicked out and I was still her son. I had to tell her I was with somebody, and I’m not sure what she thinks about that.” Ben paused, took a deep breath and braced himself to bull through the next words. “She wanted me to come home for a visit. When she said I had a place there, I… uh, well, I guess I kind of lost it wicked bad and thought the whole thing was some kind of horrible nasty joke. I told her off a little about how did she think I could go home after being cut out of the will and the restraining order and she claimed she didn’t know anything about that but I didn’t believe her and hung up the – “

“What restraining order?”

Ben grimaced. Oh shit. It’s really gonna hit the fan now. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about that part, but I didn’t want you to worry and I just wanted to forget all that stuff and move on.”

“Benjamin. Sean. Kennan. You are an idiot. I went to a lot of work on your behalf because I am your sister and I love you and also because our mother deserved a chance to at least try to make things right. If you have fucked this up because you held back things, you will NEVER hear the end of this. I am going to speak to Mother. You keep this phone with you and damn well answer it when I call you back.”

Ben stared at the dead phone for a moment before lying back on the bed. He loudly cursed for a full minute, trying to let off tension before hauling himself to his feet. His clothes were soaked with sweat and he stank, so he took the phone with him to the bathroom and risked taking a quick shower. He went through the motions almost mechanically and soon found himself back at his desk. He stared blindly down at the open journal for a while before tracing a finger along his latest entries. He stopped on the sentences where he had been trying to capture the conversation in the UPA supply room with Qui about Rebecca Barklay.

“Jesus, talk about stuff from your past coming back to bite your ass.” He gave a disgusted snort-laugh. “Must be ‘let’s fuck with Ben and see how stupid he can be’ week around here.”

Ben flipped the journal closed, then sat slumped at the desk with his eyes closed. His earlier numbness had worn off, and try as he might to stop it, the conversation with his mother kept repeating itself over and over. He was almost thankful when the phone finally rang so he could interrupt the scene in his head.

“Ben here.”

“Hi. Mother is still really angry and upset, but I got her to talk to me. First off, the shit about the will. Mother has a separate will from Father – she said Grandmother Lanahan never liked Father even before they got married and made damned sure that all of Mother’s money was locked up tighter than a drum so Father could never ever touch a penny of it. She showed me a copy of her will – the church, you, me and Lars get everything split equally among us.”

“Oh. How the hell was I supposed to know that?” Ben’s protest was weak as he was already getting a horrible feeling that he knew where the rest of the conversation was going.

“Alright, you get that point since she never told us. But Mother was still pissed off enough she was willing to tell me a little about her and Father. None of the specifics, but apparently within the first years of their marriage the bloom was already wearing off pretty badly. That’s when she started really getting heavily into the church stuff. She wouldn’t consider a divorce because, duh, Catholic, right? They grew further and further apart but had this sort of unspoken contract – she would support him in public as long as he didn’t do anything too outrageously nasty and kept up big contributions to the church. She wouldn’t say so, but I kind of got the impression that as things got worse they got even further apart. You were probably too young to remember, but it was within a year after you were born that Father moved out to a separate bedroom at the other end of the house.”

“Yeah. It was always just like that when I was growing up, so I wouldn’t have known anything different.”

“Right. Anyway, after seeing her reaction with Father and hearing her side of things, I believe Mother when she says she didn’t know anything about what Father did with his will and the restraining order. And her signature or name wasn’t on any of that, was it?”

“Well, no, I don’t think so,” said Ben reluctantly. “I just assumed she must have somehow been part of it.”

“Look, what this comes down to is that I believe she didn’t know anything about what Father did, that she does regret what happened and is trying to make amends after her own fashion even though this is difficult for her to deal with. But you have to decide if you believe her or not. If you do, I know you’ve never really been that fond of her and this is painful for you, but I think you owe her an apology for at least the way you talked to her if nothing else. Where things go from here depends on both of you, but if you’re not willing to at least try to meet her halfway, things are never going to get any better for the two of you.”

“Jesus, Maureen…” Ben swallowed hard and he felt his throat tightening. “Damn, this is all so fucked up.”

“Ben, I’m sorry if things are hard.” Maureen’s voice was much softer and sympathetic now. “You’re a good person, a good brother, and I’m just trying to help you and Mother patch up some of your part of our world. We are family, Ben. It’s not like I ever expect things to be better with Father or Lars, but it be might nice if you could start to heal your relationship with Mother, even if it ends up taking a while to get back to anything approaching normal speaking terms. For both of you.”

“I hear what you’re saying… it’s just…”

Ben knew that rationally his sister was right and was trying to help, but even though it might have been a misunderstanding, the brief conversation with his mother had brought his pain and anger back into sharp focus. He glanced down at the closed journal – it reminded him to ask what Qui would want him to do. Or better yet, what advice Qui might give him so he could make his own decision on the path to becoming the better person he wanted to be. The pain was real, but if he did nothing now would it remain a festering wound forever? What was fair to both himself and his mother? Was he honest enough to admit that even though she might not have been the most affectionate of mothers she had tried to be good to her children in her own way, and acknowledge that the worst part of his pain was not her fault?

Ben thought about his very recent hard lesson in faith, trust and relationships – if there was any chance of salvaging a relationship with his mother, how much faith would it take on both their parts? Trust was a big part of what needed to happen for any reconciliation to happen – he was going to have trust that his mother was being honest and sincere and she would have to trust the same of him. She had made a first difficult overture; didn’t he have a responsibility to make an honest effort on his part?

If he didn’t say something now, would he have the courage to speak up later if he let his harsh words stand between them too long?

Ben took a deep breath, then pushed it back out. “Maureen, if she’s willing, I’d like to speak to Mother.”

“Are you sure, Ben?”

“Yeah. It’s the right thing to do. If I put it off too long, though, I don’t know if I could still do it.”

“Alright. I’m proud of you, Ben. Hang on and I’ll get Mother.”

During the seeming eternity the silence lasted, Ben forced himself to breathe slowly, trying to center himself almost as if he were preparing to start a tai chi session. His thoughts raced too fast for easy comprehension.

“Benjamin?”

“Yes, Mother. I’d like to apologize for what I said on the phone earlier. I guess I made several bad assumptions about some things, but I shouldn’t have been such a jerk about it. I appreciate that you reached out first to talk to me. I’m sorry.”

“So am I, son. I understand how you came to those assumptions. There was a lot your father and I kept to ourselves for the sake of public appearances, things that are still difficult to speak about. You sounded genuinely upset, but I wasn’t intending to cause you pain.”

“I know that now. Maureen explained to me about the separate wills and I could see why Father never told you about the stuff he did. Maybe, when you’re ready, we could start over one of these days.”

“I would like that. I think we both have many issues still to work out, so it may take some time. But my offer to visit still stands when YOU are ready. This is MY house, and someday it will be at least partly yours, too. I will not stand for any barriers to your access.”

“It’s not Father’s house?”

“This place was my mother’s wedding gift to me.” There was a gentle huff of a laugh. “This and quite a bit of money, all tied up with enough legal paperwork to choke a herd of horses to prevent your father from getting any of it. I was quite ticked off at the time, but eventually came to appreciate what she did. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that young love can’t make you stupid, Benjamin.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.” Ben’s brain twisted sideways trying to imagine his parents as two young people madly in love, but he gave a little shudder and shoved that image very deep down for much later, if ever, consideration. “And thanks for talking to me.”

“You are quite welcome, son. I’ll not keep you any longer. I’m sure you and your sister have things to discuss. Good night, Benjamin.”

“Good night, Mother.”

“Ben?” came Maureen’s voice.

“Yeah, still here.”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah. I’m just glad that’s over with. And I’m really not in the mood to listen to you telling me ‘I told you so’ for the next hour, okay?”

“I’ll let you off the hook for now, little bro. That was a good thing you did, you know. Won’t make everything right between you overnight, of course, but I hope it will help both of you move on with life a little easier.”

“I think it will eventually. Now, though, it did bring back some bad memories and I’ve got a lot in my head to sort through. But yeah, I’m hoping things will be better. I do have some great things in my life here, and I need to keep remembering that part, too. Thanks for trying to look out for me, big sister.”

“I’m glad for you, Ben, and hope things do improve. Look, you take care, and take care of your hunk of a ranger, too. I’ll be out your way when I can. Good night.”

“Looking forward to it. Good night.”

Ben set the phone down on its charger. This was definitely not the way he had thought this day would turn out.

*** *** ***

The rest of Ben’s evening was unsettled. It was almost 10:30 by the time he finished the last call with his sister, but he didn’t feel like going to bed. Qui wasn’t home yet, although Ben suspected Jane and Rafa had likely come in while he had been on the treadmill. He didn’t feel like continuing his journal or reading, music had no attraction nor did his computer. He paced aimlessly for a while, fiddled around with making a fire, then decided that perhaps it really would be helpful to try to capture some of his feelings in writing.

Ben retrieved the journal and a pen from the bedroom. He kept one light on and settled on the sofa. As the fire gently crackled, he lost himself in words and scribbles.

“Hey, boyo. What are you still doing up this time of night?”

Ben startled at the interruption. “Huh?”

“’Tis nigh on to midnight already.”

“Shit. Must have lost track of time.” Ben yawned and stretched. The fire had died to a few sullen red embers.

Qui came over and glanced at the open page of Ben’s journal. “Some new kind of alphabet?”

Ben looked down and saw the page was more doodles than words. He snapped the book closed, stood up and mumbled a vague reply as he headed for the bedroom. He tossed it on the desk, stripped off his clothes, then slipped into his side of the bed and turned to face the wall.

It was several minutes before Qui came in, clicked off the light and settled into bed.

Five minutes later, Ben heard Qui sigh.

“I know you’re not asleep, Ben. What’s wrong?”

Ben stiffened. “It’s late. I didn’t want to bother you.”

“Jaysus. Now I can’t sleep, either. C'mere, you.”

Ben rolled over with a sigh, but he couldn’t deny that it was comforting to snuggle into his mate’s embrace.

“That’s better. Talk to me, boyo.”

Ben went over the various phone calls with his mother and Maureen.

“I guess part of it was that I wasn’t expecting any of that. I was surprised as hell to be talking to my mother. It started out well, then went south pretty badly and I felt like shit. It was like having to relive some of that night when I got kicked out. Then I felt really bad when Maureen called back and told me how wrong I was about my mother.”

“Aye, ‘twas a lot going on. Seems like your sister was fair busy. How’re you feeling about that?”

“I don’t think I mind that so much. I know why she did it, and I know that once she gets a notion you can’t hardly ever budge her… she meant well and I know things maybe didn’t quite go the way she thought they would, but I’m okay with it.”

“Sounds like things were pretty hot in Boston, too.”

“Yeah, the way Maureen described it, Mother really blew up and laid into Father.” He snickered a little. “Can’t honestly say I have any heartburn about that part.”

“So where are you seeing things standing now with you and your ma?”

Ben thought a few minutes. “I think there was some progress. She’s trying to understand more about me, and I know I definitely need to revisit a lot of the things I thought about her. Kind of a rough ride to get there and it opened up some scabs, apparently for both of us. I can deal with it.”

“I’m here if you’re needing to talk.”

“I know.” Ben shifted a little closer. “Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

*** *** ***

**_Monday_ **

Ben was glad his boss had a new motorcycle repair project to keep everyone busy. He much preferred that to sitting around with time on his hands to think or to get sucked up into boring things like inventories. With spring approaching on the calendar, if not so much on the ground yet, the atmosphere at Midway was starting to feel livelier as people began planning for new products and getting the extra summer staff on board.

By dinnertime, Ben was starting to get a little more comfortable with the events of the previous evening. He still wasn’t sure where his relationship with his mother was going to go; he could actually sympathize more than he would have thought possible when he considered that she was honestly wrestling with issues of her faith as well as a major blow-up with her husband.

“Penny for your thoughts, Ben.” Jane had a twinkle in her eye as she gathered plates from the table.

“Sorry.” Ben scrambled to his feet to help.

“Heard from your sister lately?”

Ben stopped with his hand on the back of his chair at the unexpected question. “Uh, yeah. Just yesterday, actually.” He slowly finished pushing in the chair. “She was fine.”

As if on cue, the muffled opening notes of Fur Elise emanated from Ben’s pocket.

“You’ll probably want to answer that.” Jane smiled and made a shooing motion.

“Right.” Ben gave a confused look at Jane, glanced at Qui, who just shrugged his shoulders, and pulled his phone out as he headed for the dining room.

“Hey, Ben here.”

“Hi. How you doing today?’

“Pretty good, actually. Still sorting through things in my head; guess that’ll take a while.”

“Yeah, I understand. Look, I wasn’t trying to ambush you, but it took some time to get Mother to agree to talk to you and I didn’t want to lose the opportunity. I’m sorry it became such a mess.”

“Nah, it’s okay. I know you meant well. How’s Mother doing, by the way?”

“She was actually acting perfectly normal at breakfast. I was kind of surprised, but maybe that’s just because she’s so used to presenting a certain face to the world all these years. She did head for the church this afternoon and isn’t back yet, but that’s always been her refuge, you know.”

Ben noticed Maureen didn’t offer any comments about their father, but he had no intention of bringing him up, either.

“If she wants to talk again, I’d be willing to do that,” offered Ben. “Maybe not right away, but, you know, when we’re both ready.”

“That would be cool. Mostly I called today for another reason, though.”

“Yeah? You got some other big project going?”

“Still working on you, little bro. I’ve got most of spring break left, so I’m coming out to visit. I’ll be there Wednesday afternoon through Saturday midday. I’d stay a bit longer, but I promised Mother I’d be home for Easter Sunday.”

“That’s wicked pisser! I’ll see if I can get some time off. Frank is usually pretty good about stuff like that.”

“If you can, it would be tremendously important if both you and Qui can be there for an early dinner on Wednesday, say around five. I’ve already talked to Jane about having a special meal and she’s okay with that. And it would be really, really wicked great if Qui would wear his uniform, kind of spiffed up, if he’s willing.”

I guess that explains why Jane was expecting Maureen to call me. Ben gave a mental shrug before answering. “Sounds like you’re up to something again, big sister. What’s the deal? Why that time and a special meal?”

“I’m bringing a visitor who can only stop off that day for a few hours on the way to Los Angeles. I just want it to be a nice visit.”

“Holy shit! Do you have a serious boyfriend finally? Do we get to check him out?” The smirk on Ben’s face must have showed in his voice.

“No, don’t be silly, and get that stupid expression off your face that I know you’ve got. It is really important, though.”

“Who is it if it’s not a boyfriend?”

“It’s a surprise. Someone who wants to meet you and Qui. That’s all I’m going to say.”

“I’ll do my best to be there, but I can’t speak for Qui.” Ben started back into the kitchen. “Why don’t you talk to him yourself?”

“That would be great.”

In the kitchen, Qui was drying dishes and readily agreed to stop and talk to Maureen. He took Ben’s phone and sat down at the table. Ben picked up the towel to dry more dishes and tried to discreetly listen to Qui’s end of the call.

After a few minutes of incredibly uninformative short answers like, ‘lovely to be hearing from you’, ‘right’, ‘yes’, ‘I understand’, and, ‘I’ll see what I can do’, Qui handed the phone back to Ben.

“Dinner on Wednesday?” asked Jane.

“Aye. Fancy boots and britches for me. I’ll bring the wine.”

Ben caught a glimpse of them smiling at each other as he went back to the dining room.

“Hey, did you tell Jane or Qui who’s coming with you?”

“Sort of, but not details. I want it to be a surprise, so they promised not to tell.”

Ben grumbled for a few minutes but was unable to get anything more out of her. He promised to wear a clean shirt for the dinner, and they said their good-byes.

*** *** ***

_**Tuesday/Wednesday** _

Ben was even happier that work was busy on Tuesday to help keep his mind from worrying about the new distraction of Maureen’s mysterious dinner visitor. He did have a chance to talk to Frank Mendoza, his boss, and they were able to work out a combination of leave and switched days so Ben could be home for most of his sister’s visit. Kaz, their part-time mechanic, was happy to pick up some extra hours filling in for him.

On Wednesday, Ben left work at one-thirty. The university was on spring break, but Rafa had spent the morning at the library doing research for a paper, so she offered to pick him up on her way home. There was still snow on the ground from the last of the late-winter storms, but this afternoon the clouds had mostly moved out for a while, and the sky was deep blue. Ben was so preoccupied by the dinner plans, however, he only had a passing thought that the airport and roads should be clear and couldn’t remember what he said in response to Rafa’s attempts at conversation.

The kitchen was already warm and filled with good aromas when they got home.

“Wow, smells great,” said Ben after a deep breath. “Um, how fancy are we getting for dinner?” He was still trying to decide what to wear with his nicest black jeans; he had narrowed his selections down to one of his Midway polos or the shirt he had bought for Valentine’s Day.

“I think I would describe it as halfway between everyday and a holiday, a sort of fancier than usual family meal.” Jane wiped her hands on a towel as she turned away from the sink. “We’ll be eating in the dining room, but not with the extra leaf in the table so we don’t have to shout at each other to be heard. Want it to be comfortable, so no china and such.” She thought a moment. “Well, I reckon I probably will get out the nice coffee set. I like that one and don’t have much occasion to use it these days. And Qui wanted wine, so that’s already chilling in the icebox. Good solid food, none of that fancy folderol stuff.” She patted Ben’s shoulder. “Don’t you worry about things, Ben. Rafa and I got this under control.”

Ben went down to the basement and took off his workboots. He checked that the phone line was free and spent a few minutes reading his email, put his cellphone on its charger, then stood in the bedroom for a few minutes. He was too curious about whatever it was his sister had planned to settle down to read, so he changed into sweats and went back upstairs. Ben checked with Jane to make sure there was nothing they needed and was firmly shooed out of the kitchen. He left through the front door for a run.

Forty-five minutes later, Ben was back. The exercise had helped to calm him down, and a hot shower went even further to improving his mood. He was in the bedroom, still trying to decide on a shirt, when he heard Qui come in.

“How’s my boyo this fine day?” Qui pulled his mate in for a long kiss.

“Better anytime I’m with you.” Ben leaned his head into Qui’s chest. “You gonna give me any hints about who’s coming to dinner?”

Qui’s laugh rumbled deep and vibrated against Ben. “Should I take that as a no?” Ben looked up to see Qui smiling. “I’m trying to pick the right shirt to wear.”

“What are your choices?” Qui let go of Ben and looked into the closet.

Ben pointed.

“The blue one,” said Qui immediately. “Makes your eyes look mighty fine.” He gave Ben a quick kiss. “Need to be taking a shower now.”

Ben waited until Qui was finishing dressing before going out into their main room. He smiled as Qui self-consciously posed for him.

“You look good enough to eat,” leered Ben as he walked around his mate.

Qui was wearing his formal uniform without the jacket and Stetson hat. Polished black cowboy boots, dark green sharply creased trousers, long-sleeved light green shirt and black tie were complemented by the wide belt of tooled black leather with its pouches and flapped holster. He had opted to leave his pistol locked in its safe, but that did not detract in the slightest from his impressive appearance. His badge gleamed on his left shirt pocket.

“Yeah, definitely wicked sexy,” drawled Ben. “Maybe let the belt hang a little lower on your hips…”

“Go on with ya. That’s not what needs to be hanging a little lower if you’re hungry,” said Qui with a straight face.

Ben almost choked on saliva that went down the wrong way. Qui pounded on his back until Ben collapsed on the sofa, red-faced and laughing.

“You alright, boyo?” Qui had a grin on his face.

“You asshole.” Ben rubbed his streaming eyes. “Don’t you dare do that upstairs.”

Qui just winked and took off.

As five o’clock drew nearer, everyone pitched in to get ready. Places were set, salad was mixed, soup, noodles and the simmering pot of stroganoff stirred. Bottles of wine were opened and set aside, pitchers of cold water put on the table. Rafa and Ben cleaned up so there was less to do later as Jane deftly made the last preparations, hot rolls coming out of the oven just as a car horn tooted in the driveway.

Ben followed Jane to the front door and they stepped onto the porch. Two rental cars had parked, one a jaunty little red sedan and the other a serious black Lincoln Town Car. Maureen popped out of the sedan, waved to them and quickly walked to the back door of the Lincoln.

The driver of the Town Car wore a navy suit with white shirt and striped blue tie. He looked to be in his early sixties, with thick, dark hair just starting to show silver, and a solid, athletic presence. He moved around to the back door also.

Ben narrowed his eyes. The driver seemed awfully familiar somehow, but where had he seen him before? Somewhere back in Boston, he was sure. Surely that couldn't be Gordon. What the hell would he be doing here?

That question went totally from his head when the car door opened and the driver helped an elderly woman out.

“Oh, my, God,” whispered Ben, eyes wide and knees locked in remembered childhood terror. “Grandmother Lanahan.” He shot a ‘WTF’ look at his sister, but she just smiled back with a brief eyebrow wiggle.

Maureen led the way and cheerfully introduced Mrs. Hannah Lanahan and Gordon O’Shay, her man of many talents, to Jane. Everyone shook hands.

“Welcome to Wyoming.” Jane was warm and cordial. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Ben watched the interaction between Jane and his grandmother while hugging his sister and then greeting Gordon. He was used to thinking of his grandmother as a powerful figure, head of their family, highly successful businesswoman and a stern, controlling woman. Ben was surprised to realize that Jane, in her own way, was just as sure and self-confident about her place in this world and was not intimidated one whit by her visitor.

There was a short, subtle interplay between the two women as they exchanged initial pleasantries, Lanahan in her tailored black power suit, understated bits of very expensive jewelry and personal servant versus Jane’s simple but classic skirt and blouse, her step down from the porch to meet her visitors and the brief but clearly protective pat she gave Ben’s arm. Terms stated, places understood, studied smiles exchanged, Jane turned to escort her guests into the house.

Ben was standing, bemusedly staring at their backs as he tried to understand what he had witnessed. He felt like he had clearly missed something.

“That was a good start, don’t you think?” Maureen poked Ben in the side and urged him up the steps. “Come on, let’s get inside out of the cold.”

“What the hell is going on?” Ben kept his voice low. “And what just happened?”

“Grandmother Lanahan was coming this way and graciously offered me a ride in her private jet so she could see her grandson.” Maureen had a mischievous smile and a twinkle in her eyes. “And that, my incredibly oblivious little brother, was two strong women establishing basic terms of engagement.”

“What? They’re not at war. What are you talking about?”

“Ben, Ben, Ben,” clucked his sister as she shook her head. “It’s probably a good thing you’re gay, as you clearly have no understanding of women at all.” She went inside the house, leaving Ben to hurry to catch up.

Ben made it to the kitchen as Jane was introducing Rafa. He was still feeling intimidated from old memories and more than a little self-conscious about not having a tie and at least a blazer with dress pants – he couldn’t remember ever attending an event at his grandmother’s house dressed in jeans – and hung back near the door.

“Is Mr. Finn here?” asked Lanahan, her Boston accent not as noticeable as Ben’s had been when he first arrived in Wyoming. “I was hoping to meet him.”

Almost as if on cue, Qui came in. Ben had an anxious moment as Qui shook hands, smiled and easily answered questions during Lanahan’s assessment of him.

“No need to be frettin’ yrself about that one, young Benjamin.” Gordon had leaned in close so he could whisper. “Quite impressive ’e is. The old girl likes ’im.” He winked before quickly moving to take Lanahan’s coat to put in a closet.

Ben was still recovering from the shock of anyone, even her long-time manservant, referring to the steely businesswoman as ‘the old girl’ when Jane spoke up.

“Maureen told us you only have a few hours here, and I’m sure you’ll want to have time to visit with Ben, so I thought it best if we let you take a few minutes to freshen up if you wish and then go ahead in to dinner if that’s alright with everyone.”

There were murmurs of agreement as people began moving toward the dining room.

Jane and Qui sat at the two ends of the table. Ben was near Qui with Rafa next to him and then Maureen, Grandmother Lanahan was across from Ben and Gordon sat next to her. The meal was served family style, which helped set an informal tone. Ben was content to mostly listen as the conversation ranged over a variety of topics, noting the occasional subtle interrogations his grandmother directed at Qui and both Qui and Jane’s easy inclusion of everyone. He was pleasantly surprised how well his grandmother seemed to fit in, perhaps a result of having attended so many different sorts of functions in her life. Ben was finally feeling, if not actually relaxed, not so anxious by the time dessert and coffee arrived.

“This is wonderful, Jane.” Lanahan finished the last bite of her apple pie. “The whole meal was fantastic. I greatly appreciate your hospitality, especially on such short notice.”

“Thank you. Always a pleasure to have folks in, and I’m glad you could join us.” Jane set her coffee cup down. “Tell you what, I’ll leave the coffee and the rest of the pie here while we clear up, and you can chat with Ben a bit.”

Qui and Gordon rose at the same time. “We’ll be helping you with that.”

Everyone stood up, the table was quickly rearranged to put Ben and his grandmother at one end, and a few bustling minutes saw everything else removed. Qui gave Ben a reassuring smile as he left.

Ben felt a knot in his stomach as the sliding door to the dining room clicked shut. He was not sure he remembered ever being alone with his grandmother, and he had to remind himself that he was no longer that little boy who had followed his older sister in sliding down the massive banisters of the old mansion. Ben was sure his heart was banging away loud enough for the whole house to hear, and he found himself sitting ramrod straight.

Lanahan took a small sip of coffee and delicately returned the cup to its saucer with a tiny ‘tick’ of china on china. She turned to look at Ben, her hands resting on the silver head of her cane.

Silence seemed to stretch forever before she finally nodded slightly and spoke. “Eyes are not quite the right color, but you definitely take after Nolan.” She sighed, the merest of whispers, before continuing. “You are, no doubt, wondering why I am here?”

“Yes, ma’am. I was surprised to see you.” Talk about your understatements. Ben had had to rack his brain for a moment before remembering that Nolan was the name of his mother’s father, the third and final husband of Hannah Lanahan.

“Your sister’s doing, actually. Quite a persuasive young woman.” Lanahan paused. “This is a private conversation, Benjamin. Is that clear?"

"Yes, ma'am." Ben cleared his throat. "I, uh, should point out that it's really hard to keep anything from Maureen, though."

"I imagine so," she said dryly. "I shall trust you to use appropriate discretion in determining with whom to communicate. In any event, I’m here because you have managed to make my favorite daughter unhappy.”

“I’m sorry if that’s the case. I wasn’t trying to do that.” Ben swallowed hard and tried to keep his hand from tapping the table. His brain took another jolt – he had NEVER heard his grandmother describe any member of their family as a favorite, and she had always seemed to go to great pains to treat everyone equally.

“I’m sure that’s the case. But, nonetheless, it is true. Are you familiar with our family background, Benjamin?”

“Maureen showed me the research she did. I hadn’t realized how much you’ve accomplished and, well, …” Ben hesitated, then plunged ahead. “I’m sorry you've also lost so much.”

“Life wasn’t easy for a woman from the poor Irish side of Boston. I did what I needed to survive and move up.” She shrugged. “You learned to be hard, and marrying for love was a luxury few of us could afford if we wanted to get ahead, but family was always what you held onto, no matter how it was accomplished. Your grandfather Nolan was the exception and your mother was all the more precious for being our only child. I did not agree with her life choices, but she has paid a price for them. I don’t wish to add any more than necessary to her burdens. Your mother cares a great deal for you, and I think you are a young man with great potential, Benjamin. Therefore I am here to explore options for you that would also help her.”

“I’m not sure what you mean by options, ma’am.”

“Let us be blunt and start with the obvious. Come home this fall, enroll in college, finish your engineering degree and I will provide an additional $100,000 when you graduate to do with as you like. All of your college and living expenses would be covered, of course.”

Ben was so shocked he couldn’t find any words. “But… that’s…” Finally, he took a few deep breaths. “That’s a very generous offer, ma’am. But I’ve found a new home here. I don’t think I could leave.”

“Alright, how about a master’s degree and $250,000? You could come back here during the summers, and I’m sure we could arrange for your father not to be around when you are home with your mother.”

Ben was even more stunned, as much at the offer as by the sudden green flash of temptation that froze words in his throat. There was definitely a big piece of him that wanted that money, the degrees, the kind of lifestyle and security he’d had in Boston. He could even come back here part of every year, have his cake and eat some of it, too. Ben wanted it so badly he could taste the sweet enticement. A flood of shame swept through him for even considering accepting, however. He reminded himself that wasn’t what he wanted, or how he wanted to be, anymore.

“Grandmother Lanahan, that is truly an extraordinarily generous offer,” said Ben slowly once he could speak again. “And I would like to be reconciled with my mother, work out the issues between us. I have to admit it is incredibly tempting," Ben had to pause to swallow hard and look away for a moment, "but I really can’t leave here. It’s not just that I’ve found a new family, which is true, but I love Quilan Finn. He won’t leave the life he’s built here, the community, work and family he has here, and I won’t ask him to – it’s too much a part of who he is.” A sudden thought occurred to him. “You did know I was gay, right?”

“Of course. That is a difference that means nothing to me.”

“Uh, isn’t the whole family Catholic?” Ben was finding this conversation to be ever more bizarre and mind-boggling. He had to remind himself not to leave his mouth hanging open.

“Benjamin, I have seen and done many things in my life. I had to make decisions about what was important. I don’t care if a person is gay, foreign, purple or whatever as long as that person is honest and works hard. As for religion,” a sound emerged that was as close to a snort as Ben had ever heard his grandmother make, “that’s like insurance – tithe regularly, stay on the right side of the bishop and local priest and let the rest take care of itself. Your mother is the true believer in the family, one of very few of us, actually. In any event, Benjamin, you’d be surprised at how many of our extended family have sexual inclinations that are not exactly ‘mainstream’, including one of your deceased uncles who was still closeted when he died.” She looked at Ben with an almost bemused half-smile. “Not shattering too many of your illusions, am I?”

“I…ummm…” Never, ever, in his life had Ben imagined that he would be hearing these things from his grandmother. He shook his head. “It’s… enlightening, shall we say.”

“It’s real life,” she responded briskly. “Back to business, you won't take the money even though you could certainly use it, you say you’re in love with Mr. Finn and you don’t want to leave here. Just how serious are you about this relationship? And how do you know how serious he is?”

“He asked me to marry him. I accepted.” Ben was back on much surer ground. “He respects the fact that I am not ready yet to come out of the closet publicly, so we’re working on how and when to do this marriage thing. We’ve already made out wills and health releases for each other.”

Lanahan shook her head. “In some ways, you're just like your mother, you know. She gave up a lot to marry that miserable skank Lars Kennan.”

“Quilan Finn is nothing like my father,” was Ben’s immediate, heated reply. “Qui is a good man, doing good work, honest and generous and - ”

“Yes, I get that. I will say I was quite captivated with him. I hope you’re not seeing him only through rose-colored glasses.”

“No, I don’t think so. We have acknowledged that neither of us is perfect, and we’ve already had issues to work through. He’s helped me to learn more about myself and what kind of person I want to be, and he’s been teaching me about relationships. I know we’ll have to keep working on that to make our marriage a success.”

“If you’ve learned that, then you’re well ahead of many of your peers, and I’m impressed with both of you. Does he know about the restraining order?”

“Of course. I showed him that and Father’s will.”

“Tell me, Benjamin, have you ever made threatening phone calls to your father?”

“What? Hell, no. I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him after he kicked me out. If somebody said anything like that, it’s a lie.”

Lanahan nodded. “Would you be willing to make a notarized statement about what happened that night and that you have not had any contact with your father since then?”

“I suppose so. Really, though, I just want to get on with my life.”

“Humor an old woman, Benjamin. When your mother got married, I made sure he could never touch a cent of her money or the house. He was very unhappy when he found out, and his reactions were your mother's first big clue that Lars Kennan had not proposed to her simply out of love.” She smiled. “Lars signed a sworn statement that you had made several threatening calls. That was a significant part of how he was able to get the restraining order approved. It will give me and the large group of lawyers I own great pleasure in having that restraining order thrown out.”

“Oh, well, in that case… yes, ma’am, I’ll provide a statement. I wouldn’t need to go to Boston for any legal proceedings, would I?”

“I’m sure you would not. I have no doubt that your father will prove to be cooperative in that regard, as will the judges I know on a first-name basis.”

“That’s good to know.”

“Gordon is a notary. He’ll take care of the statement before we leave.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“To get back to your situation. What are your intentions in regard to your relationship with your mother?”

Damn, she's persistent if nothing else. Must run in the family. Ben took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. “I think I'm just beginning to realize how much I don't know or understand about my mother." He looked down as he rubbed his chin with the back of his knuckles. He looked up before continuing. "Maureen kept telling me there was more there, but… I don't know, maybe I was always oblivious or just didn't want to see beyond the surface. I know Mother apologized for not being very maternal, but, still, it's not like we were a very affectionate family and I think I always wanted, or hoped for, more than just being the 'accidental spare'." His mouth tightened, and he closed down for a moment, walling back the years of regrets. "Mother never said anything like that, but I overhead my father more than once."

"I can certainly understand your reactions. But now?"

"Now that I know more about her, and her issues with Father… well, I believe I need to work on having a better relationship. I know it couldn't have been easy trying to reach out to me on the phone, even if Maureen did the instigating, but I didn't have to say the hurtful things I did when she asked me to come home and I thought she was just being cruel because I didn't know she wasn't involved in the crap my father pulled. I have to be honest, ma'am, I've still got personal issues of my own to work through – it was a painful and angry departure when I had to leave home – but I do want to make things right with Mother, meet each other halfway, I guess. I won't give up Qui for her, but I hope we can at least come to respect each other's position."

"Fair enough. Your sister told me you have issues about accepting help, Benjamin. Is that true?"

Fuck, I hope Maureen didn't use her favorite term about a stick up my ass. Ben felt a blush creeping up the back of his neck at that thought. "Um, I've been working on that. I think when I left home, I felt like I needed to prove I could make it on my own. It's one of the issues Qui has been helping me with."

"I agree that it is important for you to establish yourself as a person in your own right, as a functioning independent adult. However, have you considered that there are times when refusing help can also be very selfish? I would think your fiancé would have been a good example to follow about how to both give and accept help with grace and dignity."

Ben stared down at the floor. Qui HAD tried hard to get that concept through his thick head more than once - words about "learning to be gracious" rang in the back of his head. "Uh, yes, ma'am. I've kind of had that pointed out to me." Something about her words struck him and he raised his head. "I don't mean to be impertinent, ma'am, but how would you know what Qui thinks about things like that?"

"I know quite a bit about both of you, young man. The internet, newspapers and private investigators are quite informative, as were the discussions I had with your sister. I am here today partly to confirm my impressions of the two of you, and based on what I've heard, you seem to have developed some maturity, and I would also be very happy to have Quilan Finn for a grandson-in-law. You surely don't think I go about offering large sums of money on whims?"

"No, ma'am, of course not." Ben's flush had rapidly spread from his neck to his face, and he could feel his cheeks burning. He also knew he was going to damn well corner his sister and find out just what she'd been up to and what she'd told their grandmother.

"Very well, then." She reached out with her cane and tapped Ben's knee. "You, your mother, and accepting help. If you had not left home, would you have expected to pay for your college courses?"

"No, ma'am." Ben sighed. "I guess I took a lot of things for granted before I left home, and that was one of them."

"Is it still your plan to continue your engineering degree at the local university here?"

"Yes, ma'am. I'm just waiting on the acceptance letter to start in the fall." Ben held his head up higher. "With the tuition assistance from my job, I've got enough money saved to cover the first semester since it's just part-time. I waited a year to apply so I'd get in-state rates."

She nodded. "That is good. I am going to point out that college for your brother and sister is being paid for jointly by your parents, including graduate schools. However, your mother has an account with money that she set aside for her portion of your college expenses. Given your prudent planning plus the lower costs of the university here, there is more than enough sitting idly to cover the rest of a bachelor's degree and probably a master's as well." She held up a finger to forestall Ben's protest. "If you seriously wish to begin repairing your relationship with your mother, you would make her happy by accepting funds to cover at least some portion of your future college costs. And you should NOT think of this request as a gift. We had a long conversation before I left; she also believes in your potential and considers this an investment in your future. We expect you to use this investment wisely and work hard. The two of you can discuss parameters, if you wish, such as maintaining minimum grade levels. What do you say?"

"An investment, huh?" Ben sat back in his chair and sucked in his lower lip. This was an unexpected and new way to think about money. He knew what Qui would say and that he'd probably kick his ass if he didn't at least seriously consider this. "It's only Mother's money?"

"Absolutely. Not one penny will come from your father. She's already holding him to his agreement to provide at least as much, if not more, to your sister as he does for your brother, but does not want him involved with you."

"Wow." Ben took in a big breath and blew it out. "It's a wicked good offer, and I'll certainly admit it would make life easier, one big thing less to worry about… but this is all pretty sudden. Can I have some time to think about it?"

"Yes. We both anticipated that you would want that. The money is not going anywhere, and you don't even start until this fall, so it is not an urgent issue. It is, however, a very important one for both of you."

"Yes, ma'am, I understand and I appreciate that."

"I need to leave soon and Gordon needs to get your notarized statement. Before I go, I would like to have two promises from you, Benjamin."

"If I can, ma'am."

"First, after you have given full and honest consideration to your relationship with your mother and her offer to help with your school expenses, I want you to call her and discuss your decisions."

"Yes, ma'am. That's only fair and I need to do that."

"Second," she stood up, causing Ben to automatically rise in response, and leaned in close, "I want an invitation to your wedding when you and Mr. Finn are ready to tie the knot."

Ben was stunned for a second, then shook his head with a laugh. "Yes, ma'am. I can definitely do that." He hesitated a moment, a thought nagging at him. "May I ask a question?"

"Proceed."

Ben steeled himself and leaped in. "What would have happened if I had taken your first or second offer? About the money and going home to Boston, I mean?"

"We would have set a date, and I would have written you an initial check for moving expenses." She raised an eyebrow. "Much as that would have pleased my daughter, however, given the issues both of you still need to work through, I don't believe it would have been the best solution for either of you, and I would have significantly lowered my opinion of your character and maturity. Despite popular opinion to the contrary, not all problems can be resolved with money, young man. Remember that."

"Yes, ma'am. I will." He nodded. "Thank you for everything."

"You can thank me by reconciling with your mother, working hard and being successful in what matters most to you in your life. I shall send Gordon in." She turned and left.

*** *** ***

Ben was glad when he could put a signature to the completed page. Gordon had been kindly and efficient in helping him through a recall of that horrendous night, but it had still been a painful experience.

"Don't you be worryin', young Benjamin. The mum will be sure enough taking care of that bast'd." Gordon grinned as he reached out to shake Ben's hand. "Eilis Little Rose was a beautiful and happy girl till she married him, and those of us who knew her then won't be shedding a tear for the arsehole."

"You knew my mother when she was young?"

"Aye." Gordon grinned. "Man and boy, been serving the mum nigh on me whole life." An indulgent but wistful smile crossed his lips. "Little Rose, she was the light of everyone's life back then." He shook his head. "Sorry, sir, it's not my place to be wasting yer time with old stories."

Ben would have loved to hear everything Gordon had to tell, but knew his grandmother was waiting so he just smiled. "Maybe some other time. Thanks for everything."

"Pleasure to be serving, sir."

They joined the others in the kitchen for a last round of good-byes. Jane pressed a boxed pie upon their visitors, which Mrs. Lanahan passed to Gordon with a smile. Maureen insisted on getting pictures with her phone, a group picture, Ben with his grandmother and a picture of Ben with Qui. Everyone ended up outside, seeing their guests out to the rental car, then waving good-bye as the taillights disappeared.

"Well, I thought that went well," said Maureen as she plopped into a kitchen chair. "Fantastic meal, Mrs. B. And you were great, Qui. Thanks so much to everybody."

"It was no trouble at all," replied Jane. "I enjoyed meeting your grandmother. She's quite a woman."

"Aye, sharp as a tack and hard as diamond, that one." Qui gave an easy grin. "Not much as will ever be getting by her, that's sure."

"You two were in there quite a while…" Maureen waggled an eyebrow suggestively.

Ben had been lurking near the doorway, still numb, almost shell-shocked, by the incredible string of surprises he had just endured and was just starting to think about decisions he'd need to make fairly soon. "Uh… yeah. It was, well, not at all what I was expecting, I guess…"

"Now, I'm sure it was private family business, Ben, so no need to talk about it," said Jane firmly.

Ben felt everyone's eyes on him and he grinned sheepishly. "Nah, you're all family, too, so there was nothing there I can't be telling you. I'm just still trying to take it all in." He went to the table and sank into a chair next to Qui. He smiled his thanks as Rafa quietly brought him a glass of water. He took several gulps, sat back, ran a hand through his hair.

"First off, you need to remember that that was Grandmother Lanahan. All the kids were terrified of her, including me. She was this steel rod holding the family together and nobody crossed her."

Maureen nodded. "Yeah. It took a long time before I mustered up enough nerve to talk to her about the family background project."

"So anyway, when she showed up here tonight, well… let's just say I was shaking inside." Ben gave his sister a look that clearly said, "We WILL be talking about this later." "Especially when we were alone in the room together."

Ben took a few more sips of water and blew out another breath.

"I guess the best way to describe the conversation was pretty much it was a series of surprises that really twisted my brain and left me with some serious things to think about. Grandmother Lanahan started off describing my mother as her favorite daughter, who is very unhappy at the moment about what happened to me and also trying to reconcile her feelings about me and her faith, and she wanted to talk about options for making things better."

Ben raised one eyebrow briefly. "I can't remember her ever admitting to having favorites, so that was the first thing that threw me. Then she offered me a lot of money to go back to Boston and finish my degree. When I turned that down, she offered me even more money to go back and finish a master's degree. I'll have to admit I was tempted, but when I turned that down I think she decided I was serious and switched gears. We talked a little about why I wanted to stay, about Qui and me. She didn't care that I was gay, just that I was serious about getting married to Qui and knew what I was getting into. We talked about what I wanted to do about my relationship with my mother and I assured her I do want to get back to better terms. We ended up talking about me wanting to go back to school here. My mother has money she set aside for her children's college expenses, and she wants to use some of it to pay for my university costs. Grandmother Lanahan made it very clear that, one, there was not one cent from my father involved, and two, both she and my mother considered that money to be an investment, not a gift."

Ben stopped for a moment and looked slowly around the table. "That's the short version. The bottom line right now is that both my mother and I have some serious personal issues to work through, but we both want to get to some kind of reconciliation, and I need to think about the money thing." Ben shook his head. "And Grandmother Lanahan is still a wicked scary person."

Rafa's eyes were wide and Jane's were crinkled with concern. Qui got up and stood behind Ben, giving him a quick kiss and rubbing his shoulders. Ben put a hand atop one of Qui's.

"So what was going on with Gordon?" Maureen, always the bulldog, was not one to let an important issue drop. "He was in there for a half hour with you."

"Gordon is a notary public. Grandmother Lanahan asked me to make a notarized statement about what happened that night I had to leave home." Ben had to pause, swallow and tighten his grip on Qui's hand. "That wasn't much fun, but Grandmother Lanahan said she could get the restraining order thrown out because my father's statement to the court had some lies in it." He glanced up briefly at Qui. "She seemed to know an awful lot about me and what's been going on in my life."

"I'm sure she'd done her research," said Qui. "'Twould surprise me if she hadn't. Now that I've met her, I doubt she'll be having any trouble getting that damned order tossed." He patted Ben's shoulder with his free hand. "'Twill be one less thing to have to be fretting yourself about."

"Yeah, that'll be good." Ben sighed. "Hey, look, I'm still feeling like my brain's buzzing and rattling around in my head, so I'd like to just go downstairs."

Everyone wanted to give him a hug and Maureen promised to spend the day with him tomorrow while Qui was at work. Ben wordlessly followed Qui down the stairs and locked the door behind them.

*** *** ***

Qui strode into the room and put his heavy equipment belt on the table. Then he turned around and held his arms out.

Ben rushed forward and buried himself in Qui's embrace. He melted into the warmth, surrounded by the strength of his arms and his love. Ben felt his recent cares and problems soften into a distant haze, something to be addressed at another time. They held each other tight as Ben slowly relaxed.

Several minutes later they were on the sofa after quick trips to the bathroom and changing clothes, both men having ended up in sweatpants and t-shirts.

Ben cuddled into his lover's side as Qui slowly rubbed his arm. He tried to relax, to dissolve into Qui's heat, but his mind wouldn't settle. Thoughts jumped and juked, twisting back around themselves. One thought in particular kept stabbing at him.

"Hey, boyo, you're fidgeting like you've got a hill of ants crawling in your clothes," said Qui softly into his ear.

"Sorry. I just – "

Qui stopped his words with a finger across Ben's lips. "Nothing to be apologizing for, love. I'm sure you've got a lot to be thinking on, and talking out if you want. Let's be after just helping you get a bit more focus for now." Qui shifted around so he could pull Ben between his legs, Ben's back resting against his chest. He wrapped both arms lightly around his mate. "Breathe with me. Nice and easy. Nice and quiet."

Ben felt Qui's soft breath against his right ear and the solid muscle behind him. He closed his eyes, willed himself to relax and let his head fall back against Qui's shoulder. As Qui's next breath came, he timed his own breath to match.

"That's the way. Just like Tai Chi. In… center… out."

Air in through his nose. Warm arms holding him safe as he let his energy gather in his belly. Pursed lips slowly letting air out. Two chests rising and falling as one.

There was no time passing… no anxiety… only the quiet hum of energy and susurrations of life-giving oxygen.

Eventually, Ben let his eyes drift open.

"Better?"

"Mmmmm…" Ben turned his head to slip a light kiss on the side of Qui's face. "Much better. My head's not spinning like a top anymore."

"What is it you're wanting to do next? It sounded to me like you've got a lot to sort through."

"I do." Ben let a comfortable silence linger for a few minutes now that he was calm enough to step back a little and actually think.

Finally, Ben felt able to start articulating at least the first notions of a plan. "Tomorrow, I want to write things out, listing stuff on paper so I can start separating what I need to take action on soon from things I need to work on just understanding. Definitely I'll be talking to Maureen about what's going on with my mother and this whole business with Grandmother Lanahan." A sudden memory made him tighten his grip on Qui's hands and bite his lower lip.

"Something in particular bothering you? Anything I can be helping you with?"

"I…" Ben took a shuddering breath as he lowered his head, staring straight down at their clasped hands. "I know I've got issues to work on, but I thought I was getting better. The first time Grandmother Lanahan offered me money to go home, yeah, I was tempted a little." Ben swallowed hard. His voice was low, almost a whisper when he continued. "But when she upped the stakes, all that money, going home, time off to come back here every summer, a master's degree… giving me back everything I'd had before and more… God, Qui, I wanted it. I wanted it so badly I couldn't even talk. Then I remembered how much I have here, you… a new family… a new life. I was so ashamed for lusting after what she was dangling in front of me. I really had thought I was getting past that stuff." He shook his head. "I'm sorry."

"You've done nothing to apologize for, Ben. 'Tis alright to be wanting something else, especially when that something is what you grew up with. 'Twas a grand offer and I'm sure it was her intention to make it a genuine temptation. How you reacted was the important thing, for both of you."

"Yeah, I know all that's true." Ben sighed. "Doesn't make it feel much better, at least not yet. And I did manage to screw up enough guts to actually ask her what would have happened if I'd taken the offer. She pretty much admitted it had been a test and she wouldn't have thought much of me if I'd said yes."

"Seems like your grandmother has some pretty high standards and was looking to see if you did, too. I've always found character to be more important than how much money a person has."

"That sounds kind of like what she told me, that money doesn't solve everything." Ben took one of Qui's hands and raised it to his lips for a kiss. "Hey, I know it's still a little early, but would you mind if we turned in? I'm hoping things will be a little clearer after I have to a chance to sleep on them."

"I've got to be up well before first light myself tomorrow, so that works fine for me."

After using the bathroom, Ben and Qui were soon snuggled warmly in bed. They took a little time for a kiss and cuddle.

"Love you," were the last words Ben heard as he drifted into dreamless sleep.

*** *** ***

**_Thursday_ **

"Wha…" Ben rolled over and squinted at the alarm clock that buzzed angrily. "Four o'fucking clock?" He swatted at the snooze bar, then collapsed back with a groan. The room was almost dark, the cracked-open door letting in a thin line of light. Ben glanced over and realized he was the only one in the bed.

The door opened. "Shit. Sorry about that." Qui strode in and switched the alarm control off. "Thought I had moved it to 'off' instead of from 'radio' to 'buzz'."

Ben blinked a few times against the added light. He saw that Qui was dressed in a military-style version of his uniform, camouflage pattern of green, brown and black with cargo pants and long shirt.

"You going hunting or something?"

"Well, we will be trying to find something, in a manner of speaking." Qui sat on the edge of the bed. He leaned over to give Ben a kiss. "Probably be back pretty late."

"Okay." Ben leaned up on one elbow. "I'll let Jane know."

"Thanks." Qui stood up. "Got to be going."

"Stay safe," called Ben as Qui headed for the door.

"Do my best." Qui flashed a smile over his shoulder and was gone.

Ben sank back down into the warm comfort of their bed. He took advantage of the rare luxury of space to sprawl in the middle of the mattress, all of the blankets and pillows gathered around him. He lay there for a while, and his eyes grew accustomed to the small illumination from the clock.

He should have fallen back to sleep. Sleep, however, seemed to have taken a hike.

Gray shadows of the black desk and chair flickered under his wandering gaze. Tiny sounds of the house moving were magnified. His own breathing filled his ears.

Ben turned on his left side. Then he turned over to his right side. He scratched an itch behind one ear. He punched up a pillow. He turned onto his back and stared up at the ceiling.

Two things kept poking at Ben until he finally sighed in exasperation and sat up. His bladder had decided he was sufficiently awake to give it some attention. And his subconscious kept sending smug messages along the lines of "Hey, dude, you need to look at all the work I got done while you were snoozing.”

Ben got up, threw on some heavy sweats and attended to morning ablutions. He did a little bit of stretching, ten minutes on the stationary bike and then some more stretching until he felt fully awake. He grabbed a bottle of water from their little fridge. Back in the bedroom, Ben pulled on another sweatshirt – the furnace wasn't set to kick up to a higher temperature for at least another hour and a half, and it was chilly.

"Alright, let's get to work," announced Ben to the empty bedroom. He sat down at his desk, pulled out a pad of ruled paper and a pen. He took a deep breath and began writing.

Once he started, Ben's thoughts did seem much clearer than they had been the previous evening. He opened with categories of things he wanted to work on:  
\- My mother  
\- My grandmother  
\- Money for school  
\- What has my sister been doing

"Huh. That last one is easiest. I'll corner Maureen today and find out what's she been talking about with Mother and how she managed to get Grandmother Lanahan out here. I know she means well, but damn has she ever stirred things up. She owes me an explanation so I can figure out just what the frigging hell is going on."

Ben tore off the top sheet of the pad and started a new page.

My Mother  
\- Who is she  
\- What was our relationship  
\- What is our relationship now  
\- What relationship do I want to have with her in the future

"Okay, let's begin with the obvious," muttered Ben, blithely unaware he was practically echoing his grandmother's words the previous evening.

Eilis Roisin Lanahan Kennan. Daughter of Nolan and Hannah Lanahan. One husband she supposedly married for love and then things went sour. Devoutly religious. Three children.

"Hmm, what was it Gordon called her… yeah, 'little rose'. Is that the 'Roisin'?

It was so early that Ben had no competition for the phone line and he dialed in to do a quick search on the internet.

"Alright, so 'Eilis' means 'God is my oath' and 'Roisin' is 'little rose'. I wonder who picked those names… seems they got both of those right, just for different parts of her life. Gordon remembers her as being pretty and happy when she was young, but the God part sure seems to have kicked in later on." Ben considered for a moment. "I guess I never really thought of my mother this way, but she is still pretty beautiful when she isn't being all solemn or sad."

Ben gave himself over to his memories, searching back through time to find his mother and taking notes as he went. There wasn't much from his very youngest days, just a vague awareness of a warm, comforting presence that meant a pleasant ending of hunger. There were nannies and pre-schools, occasional little treats and special birthday chocolates from the woman who called him Benjamin. On his fourth, or was it his fifth birthday, she had given him his first tennis racquet – he dug up memories of a few lessons with her before being turned over to an instructor. Ben had felt like his parents led mostly separate lives, especially as he grew older and was finally allowed to eat at the family table with the others. He remembered how his father's life seemed more exciting, at least according to the stories he told of deals and conquests, and his mother's existence centered around 'that boring church stuff'. That's probably what had made him want to earn his father's respect, to be like him.

There had always been a certain remoteness about both of his parents, and his older brother Lars only noticed him to pick on him. Ben had early on turned to his sister as his main companion and confidante, and they loved each other fiercely. Other images came, and Ben conceded that his mother had been a kind woman, always insisting on thinking of others, treating the servants politely, even chastising her husband and Lars at times for not doing so.

As he unreeled the pictures of his life, though, the most consistent thing he could recall was how seldom he had ever directly interacted with either of his parents. There were social events, parties he had been dragged to, family meals when he was home from boarding schools, occasional appearances at music recitals or sporting events. When they did talk, it was about things like duty, responsibility, supporting the family, maintaining your place in the world. If his mother was involved, conversations often extended the concept of duty to helping others as part of your religious responsibility, honesty, humility and good character.

"Huh." Ben sat back and blinked. "I wonder if I was just really incredibly oblivious, maybe because I was resentful about being turned into the 'fill-in' when they needed somebody to do something. Mother did try to set a good example by doing what she believed in… maybe she just wasn't great at talking about it, or didn't want to make it obvious that she didn't approve of some of whatever Father was doing. Father got worse and worse about fault-finding, but she never did that shit. She did say good things about me working during the summers and she did intercede that time Father wanted me to work in the office of one of his buddies, but I wanted to go to that car dealership instead, even if I never told either of them I was really working on their motorcycles. And she never said anything bad about Myrna."

Ben sat back in his chair, hands behind his head, staring thoughtfully at the sheet of rambling notes. Finally, he sighed.

"I guess, given the way we lived, maybe none of us was all that good at the 'happy loving family' thing, except for what Maureen and I had together. Grandmother Lanahan obviously thinks Father was always pretty much of an asshole, and it looks like there was an awful lot going on between him and Mother that they just kept quiet. I'm not sure I really want to know about all that shit, but Mother seems to have really gotten the short end of the stick in that marriage."

Ben stood up and stretched. "After everything is said and done, dammit, she IS my Mother. I wasn't necessarily the best son ever, but I do want to try to make things better going forward. I think maybe give things some time to let wounds heal a bit, decide what I want to talk to her about, start out with some letters or phone calls. Yeah, I need to do that anyway once I sort out the school and money thing." Ben grimaced. "And, yeah, I guess I need to let Maureen have her little 'I told you so' while I'm at it. She was right and I was wrong about Mother." He reached forward and set the notes aside before glancing at the clock.

It was just past five-thirty, still too early for the others to be up. He decided to take a quick shower before tackling his next question.

Twenty minutes later, Ben was feeling refreshed by his break. He sat back at the desk with a fresh sheet of paper and began jotting some notes.

"Okay, the really obvious, including what I learned from that research Maureen did. Hannah O'Brian Lanahan, family matriarch, started from nothing, outlived three husbands and most of her children. Uncle Robert runs her European operations, Aunt Erin is a little weird and is involved with some kind of artsy-craftsy stuff, and Mother is the society church lady." Ben frowned a little and erased his comment about his mother, replacing it with 'is the only child of the one man she is supposed to have actually loved'.

"Alright, what the hell do I really want to know about Grandmother Lanahan? And why do I need to know or care?" Ben chewed on the end of his pencil for a moment.

"Well, she's rich." Ben put the pencil down. "Hell, I have no idea if she's rich with an upper case or lower case 'r'. I'll bet Maureen knows… Although she didn't even twitch an eyebrow when she started tossing money at me to try to get me to come home."

Ben shook his head and picked up his pencil. "Okay, given that I never really saw that much of her except mostly at family events, I'm not sure what I can say from personal experience beyond the fact that she is the family matriarch, was always very proper, never raised her voice when she was arguing with Father, always treated all the grandkids the same, including terrifying the living daylights out of us." He grinned a little. "Guess she didn't need to raise her voice – she could cut people to pieces with incredibly sharp words."

He made another entry on the page – "New Things I Just Learned about GL."

\- Admitted Mother is her favorite daughter (she has a favorite!)  
\- Wants me to make up with Mother, who is unhappy at the way things went with me and Father  
\- Never liked Father and made sure he couldn't get any of Mother's money  
\- Things went really south in my parents' marriage and Mother is gung ho religious

"Umm, what was that she said?" Ben tapped the back of his teeth with his tongue for a moment. "Oh, right."

\- Mother is the 'true believer' and GL treats religion like insurance  
\- GL likes Qui  
\- Seemed sincerely concerned that I wasn't making a huge mistake wanting to marry Qui  
\- Didn't care that I was gay !  
\- Gordon seems to think GL is good people and he's known her most of his life

"I wonder if she's always been devious or learned it along the way?" muttered Ben as he made his next entry.

Dangled money as a test, but approved of me not taking it (pretty sure that's what she meant)

"And back to money…"

Said she and Mother both think I'm a good investment

"Soooo, what does any of that mean to me and where do I go from here?"

Ben sat staring at the page for a few minutes. Then he abruptly stood and began pacing, moving to the main room as he let his thoughts roll around inside his head.

Eventually, Ben wandered back into the bedroom as a few conclusions began crystallizing. He sat at the desk. He let his fingers walk up and down the list of notes three times before gently putting his hand on the surface.

"Conclusions? Okay, a few. There's been a lot about my own family I didn't know and probably still don't really understand. My grandmother doesn't dilly dally around when she wants something, and I'd better not do a half-assed job of sorting things out. Or wait too long to get at least an answer about the money for school." He gave a soft snort. "And I think maybe I might actually be able to like her."

The faint sound of footsteps from the floor above made Ben look at the clock. The digital display was just clicking over to 6:37.

"That's enough work." Ben smiled as he put his notes into the middle of the pad for later perusal. It had been a useful session, but his stomach was grumbling for food.

*** *** ***

Jane was in the kitchen setting out ingredients. A pot of coffee was just beginning to perk.

Ben and Jane chatted while she put together two batches of sweet muffins, one with chocolate chips and the other with blueberries. Rafa and Maureen wandered down and helped with the rest of breakfast. When they'd finished their oatmeal, muffins and drinks, everyone pitched in to help clean up. Afterward, Jane went to get ready to go visit Liz and Linda with some casseroles she'd made the day before as Liz's back had been bothering her more than usual. Rafa said she needed to finish writing a paper up in her room.

Afterward, Ben and Maureen went to the living room. Ben built a small, cheerful fire and they sat on one of the sofas with shoes off and feet up. Maureen had made a pot of tea and set it on a side table.

"So, here we are." Maureen took a cautious sip of hot tea. "It's been an interesting week, don't you think?" She grinned.

"That's a huge understatement." Ben grimaced.

Maureen put the cup down. She reached over to put a hand on one of Ben's knees. "How are you doing, Ben? I know a lot has been going on that none of us probably ever imagined would be happening."

"I'm still sorting things out." Ben put a hand on Maureen's and squeezed it briefly before putting both of his hands on his thighs. "I spent quite a while thinking this morning, about Mother, Grandmother Lanahan, family… it was a lot to take in. It would help if you'd tell me what's been going on with you and Mother and how the hell last night happened."

"Family, that's probably a good place to start." Maureen sighed. "So, let me fill you in."

Maureen did most of the talking for the next few hours, with Ben throwing questions in occasionally.

It seemed that their family was splitting more and more into two pieces. Their father and Lars had gotten closer – Lars was now some kind of big deal in the same fraternity their father had been in and much of Lars's time on visits home was spent on social calls with their father to 'make contacts for the future'. Maureen and their mother were heading the other way – on her visits home, Maureen had gone out of her way to speak to their mother and even accompany her on some of her various charity group and church visits.

When both children were home from a school break, they still had occasional family meals but those had grown even more formal and quiet. From some comments she had overheard, she strongly suspected that Lars knew about Ben being disinherited and probably that there were two wills, but she couldn't prove it. The only good thing Maureen had to say about Lars was that he was still very careful to be polite to their mother, but her cynical side attributed that behavior to a desire to make sure he stayed in their mother's will.

Maureen had heard that Mother had spent several sessions during the past year with a new priest at their church, one who specialized in dealing with youth, minority and LGBT issues. That encouraged her to make a determined effort to try to get their mother and Ben back together. She had started with small references, such as having received an email from Ben, or that she'd heard Ben was doing well in Wyoming. She worked up to mentioning that she still prayed for Ben, which had gotten a positive response and eventually an actual reference to the priest as a source for more information on the latest church teachings on homosexuality. They'd gotten to the point where their mother had actually started asking about how Ben was doing. Then came the argument earlier that month at Grandmother Lanahan's and the dressing down she had delivered about forgetting about family and the son they had abandoned.

"When we got home that night, I could see Mother was distressed. I followed her up to her private sitting room and managed to get her to talk. She was pretty shaken about what Grandmother Lanahan had said, but was torn about what was the right thing to do to follow her beliefs and also try to make amends to you."

From there, Maureen had followed up with phone calls and emails from school until she could come back for her spring break visit. They had gone to church together Sunday morning and had another long talk that afternoon. That effort had resulted in the phone call to Ben Sunday evening.

"I was feeling pretty good about how things were going, and no, I wasn't eavesdropping. Well, not exactly."

Maureen stuck her tongue out at Ben's snort.

"But then all of sudden it was like SweetMaryHolyMotherofJesus what the hell just happened! Mother's face was red, she tossed the phone and went stomping, swear to God, actually stomping down the stairs looking like she was going to kill someone, went into Father's den and slammed the door so hard pictures on the wall were shaking."

"Wait a minute, our mother, super religious, turn-the-other-cheek, treat everyone nice mother, was on a rampage?"

"Hey, if I hadn't seen it myself I probably wouldn't believe it, either. Anyway, I grabbed the phone, blitzed down the stairs and tried to hear what was going on. Those damned doors are so thick all I got was a lot of shouting, something going smash and more shouting. It got real quiet so I zipped back up the stairs and tucked myself around a corner. That's when I saw Mother come out, go up the stairs and throw that zinger about spilling secrets down at Father. She headed for her room and Father went back in the den."

Maureen reached over and punched Ben on the arm, hard.

"Owww! What was that for?" Ben rubbed his arm, certain a bruise would soon be appearing.

"That was for not answering the damn phone and leaving me hanging that night."

"Hey, that's not fair. I was feeling pretty damned bad, being hit with that call out of the blue, then going through all that other shit. When Mother asked me to come home, I lost it. I felt like it was some kind of nightmare I was revisiting. And I realize I shouldn't have talked to her like I did, but I was really fucking upset."

Maureen put a hand over Ben's. "I figured you were, so I was worried sick you were going to do something crazy and hurt yourself. And I didn't know what happened, so I didn't know how to approach Mother. I love both of you, so it was killing me that I couldn't be there for either of you to help."

"Oh." Ben took a deep breath as he turned his hand over so he could clasp his sister's hand. "I wasn't thinking real well after I hung up, I guess. And Qui wasn't home yet so I couldn't rant to him." He gave a self-deprecating little grin. "I wasn't so stupid as to go running outside, though. I saw snow coming down and hopped on the treadmill instead. I needed to run hard enough to be able to think straight… I'm glad you kept calling until I answered. I needed to hear what you said." He swallowed hard as he remembered the rest of that evening. "And, uh… I'm glad I got the chance to apologize to Mother before things went totally south between us."

"Sometimes it's useful to be a wicked pushy bitch." Maureen grinned. "And don't worry, you're not the only one who thinks that by a long shot. I'm thinking of having it put on my business card so clients will know how hard I'll fight for them."

Ben laughed and pulled her in for a big hug. He shook his head, still smiling as he leaned back. "That's the card you should give to your opponents. Maybe with a little picture of two balls in a vice, so they'll have some warning what they're up against."

"Hmmm, that's not a bad idea." Maureen looked thoughtful for a moment before her grin returned. "Anyway, I'm just glad you're doing okay, and we're getting things back on track."

"Speaking of getting back on track, what the hell was all that business with Grandmother Lanahan about? I'm pretty sure you must have been in the middle of that somehow."

"Ah, yes, that was an interesting couple of days…"

Maureen explained that she and their mother had talked some more after the last phone call with Ben on Sunday night. When their mother had determined that she wanted to talk to her mother, Maureen had boldly invited herself along for the visit. They went over Monday and had a wickedly delicious lunch in Grandmother Lanahan's private part of the grand mansion.

It had been an eye-opening session for Maureen, who had apparently now been deemed to be worthy of being 'a Lanahan woman' (although she still wasn't entirely certain what that entailed). Wounds old and new were discussed (especially things dealing with the big to-do between Ben and his father), GL got in a tart 'I told you so', Mother allowed that it had taken her too long to realize her husband was such a jerk and everyone agreed that Lars was probably a lost cause at this point.

Ben, on the other hand, was viewed in a far more positive light.

"You said that like I was being considered as a prospective bull for a cow herd." Ben had an indignant scowl.

"Don't be silly. At the very least, a possible stud horse for a big racing farm in Kentucky." Maureen laughed at Ben's snort. "Be happy, little bro. GL likes you, agreed with Mother that you have potential and deserve an opportunity to develop that potential into something better." She pursed her lips a moment. "You know, I think there may be something to that sort-of-joke that Lanahan women don't have much of a maternal gene. Or else maybe it's the way they all got raised. They both talked around emotions."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I really believe that Grandmother L cares for Mother, and vice versa, but none of us could ever quite say that they loved each other. There was a lot about family, and taking care of each other, and fairness and Mother threw in the stuff about 'doing the right thing by you and God', but never the 'L' word. I think maybe they've got that sort of thing buried too deep inside by now and I wasn't comfortable trying to force it into the conversation."

"I love you and I love Qui, so I guess I didn't get that gene."

"I love you, too, little bro, so maybe I missed it too." Maureen had a mischievous sparkle in her eye. "Of course, I'm madly in lust with your lovely ranger."

"Hey, hey!" Ben waggled a finger at Maureen. "I saw him first, so don't be getting any ideas."

"All I'm saying is that if you two ever split, I get first dibs on tall, dark and handsome." Maureen made a 'rrrooowooorr' deep in her throat. "Now that's a stud if I ever saw one."

"He is, and I'm keeping him," said Ben firmly. "So, what happened after that?"

Grandmother Lanahan was a very focused person. She brought the discussion around to setting goals and objectives. Mother and I both want her and you to be reconciled, at least on some basic terms of polite engagement initially and hopefully closer later. Mother was determined that her husband would no longer be in a position to inflict any more harm on her younger son and she would take care of that. GL thought it was a good idea about Mother wanting to use the money she'd already set aside to offer you for college.

It was GL's idea to stop by for a visit. She wanted to see for herself what you and your 'friend' were like and how firmly settled you were here. Mother would probably say that it was providential that GL was already coming out west for some big awards and schmoozing business thing; I think we just lucked out on the timing. So, I ran point on getting it set up to have dinner here and my reward for that was a seat on GL's private plane for the flight.

"And the rest you know." Maureen leaned back, picked up her cup and drained the last bit of cold tea.

"Wow. You HAVE been busy." Ben blew out a big breath. "I feel like I've been sucked up in a hurricane, spun around and spit out again. But I do appreciate everything you've been trying to help with."

"We're family, little bro. I want that family to include Mother. And I guess that includes Grandmother Lanahan, since she's pretty much a co-conspirator now."

"Yeah, sure looks like it." Ben shook his head. "It's just really wicked crazy how much difference a few days can make."

They both fell silent as the last remnants of the fire cracked and died to embers.

"You guys want some lunch?" Rafa stuck her head into the room. "I'm making grilled cheese and ham sandwiches."

"That sounds great." Maureen gathered the tea things to take to the kitchen.

They all helped with fixing lunch and cleaning up. Ben noticed that Rafa seemed to have gotten comfortable chatting with Maureen, which was seldom the case with people she didn't know well. He was happy to see that.

Rafa headed to the barn, saying she wanted to let Cel get some exercise before going back upstairs to finish her paper and as much other homework done as she could so she'd have the weekend free. Maureen offered to proofread the paper and Rafa accepted.

"So, what do you want to do this afternoon?" asked Ben as they both sat down at the kitchen table.

"I was thinking maybe something fun, something kind of nostalgic…"

"And that would be?"

"It's a beautiful afternoon and hasn't snowed since Sunday night, so the roads should be good. If you've got a second helmet, how about we take Myrna out for a spin? We haven't done that since before you had to leave home and I'd really like to see more than just the highway between here and the airport."

"Wicked!" Ben's eyes lit up. "I'd love to take my two favorite ladies out for a little road trip. We can use the spare helmet Qui gave me with some tightening of the straps. You sure you won't be too cold?"

"Not a problem - I brought extra layers. And we could take a thermos of hot chocolate."

"Sounds great. Let's get changed and I'll meet you back here in the kitchen."

It was only a matter of minutes before they had both donned heavy clothes, fixed a big thermos and gotten everything adjusted. Ben thought about a route as they got ready and finally decided on several of the back roads where they could go up for some good views.

After an hour they stopped at a turnout along a winding road. Maureen exclaimed over the sweeping view of the long valley to their south and the tree-covered hills and mountains to their west. That led to an inquiry about where Qui worked, so with plenty of daylight still left, they headed out.

"This is the district headquarters for Keogami Forest," said Ben as they stretched their legs in the parking lot. "I don't think Qui spends a lot of time here, though, since he mostly seems to be out in the Keogami itself."

There was an older woman behind the section of the front counter labeled as 'Information Desk'. When Ben started explaining that they were just visiting, another woman popped out of the hallway to their right.

"Hey, is that you, Ben? How ya doing?"

"Hi, Kim. Been busy and I'm sorry I haven't been able to do much volunteering since last fall. It's pretty hard to get out here without a vehicle."

"No problem at all, Ben. We're happy to get people anytime we can." She raised an eyebrow.

"Jesus, where's my manners! Kim, this is my sister Maureen. She's visiting from back east. Maureen, this is Kim Vanden, the Volunteer Coordinator."

The two women shook hands and exchanged pleasantries.

"Helen, I'll take these folks back to my office for the nickel spiel." Kim waved at the desk lady and led her visitors back down the hall.

Ben mostly sat nursing a cup of coffee as Kim and Maureen chatted. They looked at maps of Keogami, and Kim went through an overview about different areas, activities and what the various support groups did.

"So the law enforcement people are like the police force for Keogami?"

"That's a good way to put it. They have a lot of territory to cover, so they stay pretty busy. Last I heard, Quilan Finn is still boarding at Ben's place, so have you had a chance to meet him? He's one of our very best."

"Yes, Qui and I met when I came in Wednesday." Maureen leaned forward with a confidential 'girl to girl' look. "If you've got any more like him stashed away, I'd love to meet them, too."

Kim laughed. "So would I, as well as just about every other woman around here." She gave a melodramatic sigh. "Alas, he is one-of-a-kind, so we're all out of luck."

Ben just sat quietly with a small smile, but inside he was beaming. Yep, he was the lucky one who snagged the prize, all right.

Maureen finished with a few other questions, Kim gave Ben a brochure with lists of upcoming spring and summer volunteer activities, and they went back to the parking lot to ride home among the trees.

It was just the four of them for dinner. Jane produced a big skillet biscuit turkey pot pie with salad, a simple but tasty meal that pleased everyone.

They were lingering over coffee and cookies when Rafa cleared her throat.

"Um, I was wondering if anyone would mind if I had Misha over for dinner tomorrow night? He's at school over the break and doesn't have to work at the IT section again until Saturday night when they're doing some network upgrades. I'll help fix everything."

"Of course he can come. That poor young man needs feeding up something awful." Jane patted Rafa's hand. "Don't worry about bringing friends over, dear. In fact, if he's free, why not invite him to spend the night? We've got plenty of space and he's more than welcome."

"Well, if nobody minds…" Rafa had a blush creeping into her cheeks.

"I'd really like to meet him," said Maureen. Ben hastened to add his assent.

"Now that that's settled, I've heard a rumor that you play bridge, Mrs. B." Maureen casually took another cookie, pretending not to notice the sudden gleam in Jane's eye.

"If you're offering, I won't say no to a few rubbers."

"Wicked good. You're on!"

Cleanup went quickly and they were soon back at the table. They agreed to change partners after the first two rubbers; initially Jane and Rafa played Ben and Maureen.

In deference to the fact that Rafa was still learning the game, the play was far less cut-throat than Ben and Maureen had had to deal with at many of the bridge parties they had played in growing up. Everyone was enjoying themselves and the first two rubbers went by swiftly, both taken by Jane and Rafa.

"Rafa, you might want to let Ben take the lead. Underneath that pretty face is a ruthless card shark." Maureen waggled an eyebrow as Rafa looked concerned.

"I resent that description." Ben leaned over the table to point a finger at his sister. "I only played well in Boston to protect myself from those rabid old ladies and men who'd cut your fingers off to get a point away from you."

"Ohhhhhh? What about that afternoon you spent with Mrs. Hurlon? I saw most of that and it was flat-out wicked vicious."

"That…" Ben clamped his lips shut for a moment before reluctantly adding, "That was different."

"Mr. Kennan, are you hiding your talents from us?" Jane smiled, not pushing although it was clear that she wanted to hear the story.

Ben sighed. "Jeez, it was just… Mrs. Genevieve Hurlon played bridge for years because her husband loved it. When he died, she kept going to the same places and parties they'd always gone, I guess from habit, because she wasn't that good, and I'm not sure she really even enjoyed bridge." Ben shook his head a bit. "I was home for spring break my senior year of high school. I got dragged along to one of those bridge things with my parents to fill in if needed. I was watching for a while, and people were just being nasty, really aggressive and taking advantage of Mrs. Hurlon. It was pretty low stakes, but they still wanted to take her money, I guess maybe because they could. She was kind of oblivious but was a really nice person. I suppose I finally got pretty pissed off, so I asked if I could be her partner."

"I saw that part. She seemed very happy," said Maureen. "I don't imagine she ever had very many people actually wanting to do that."

"Probably not. Anyway, I told her just to follow my lead and I'd help her win. She was fine with doing whatever I suggested." Ben rubbed his face for a long moment before continuing. "That whole thing wasn't really my finest moment, and I felt like I was playing down to their level. I'd seen a lot of the other players before, I knew their weaknesses and I played on those. Aggressively. With no quarter. I did get some good cards, she had some good hands occasionally, so I was able to pass off our success as just luck. But we kept winning, quietly, 'cause I was deliberately trying to keep it low-key, 'aw shucks, I'm just a school kid who got lucky' so people wouldn't take us seriously. I'm not sure most of them realized how well we were doing until the end. When we added it all up, we had beaten every pair since I stepped in. We ended up with over six hundred dollars and Mrs. Hurlon insisted I keep it all instead of just my half. I didn't feel right about taking the money, so I slipped most of it into the collection plate when we went to the Easter service. I felt kind of guilty about the way I played, but I wasn't sorry about how happy Mrs. Hurlon looked when we were leaving."

"Seems to me you did a good thing for her, Ben," said Jane. "And you put the money to good use, so it's not like you were trying to profit from what you did. I wouldn't worry about it."

"I guess so." Ben looked at Rafa. "Hey, you've seen me play before and I don't play that way normally. I like to play well and keep it interesting, but we're just having fun, okay? And that's how you should approach it. We're all friends, we don't cheat or try to hurt other people. If you have any questions about why I'm playing a hand the way I am, I don't mind at all if you ask so you can learn."

Rafa looked greatly relieved and they went on to play for few more hours. Qui finally got home as they were just finishing their last game of bridge, so Jane fixed snacks for everybody, and they kept him company while he ate.

*** *** ***

**_Friday_ **

Ben yawned. Friday morning and he didn't have to go to work today. He stretched luxuriously, then rolled over to see what time it was. Dim light was coming in the curtained window, so it must be later than usual.

A most beautiful sight stopped him halfway. Ben smiled and contemplated the somnolent figure in his bed, hidden under the blankets with just the top of his face showing, hair wildly tousled.

Very carefully, Ben reached over to lightly run a fingertip along his mate's brow and down the visible side of his face. Eyelids fluttered open and a tiny wordless query was muffled in the covers.

Qui shifted to one side and pulled Ben to him. Ben went willingly into the embrace. They indulged in a long slow kiss, tongues randomly exploring. Qui broke the kiss and hugged Ben tight.

"'Tis unfortunate that morning breath so often lives up to its dire reputation," whispered Qui in Ben's ear.

Ben laughed as the words registered. He pushed Qui onto his back and leaned up on both arms. He glanced at the clock and was surprised to see that it was almost a quarter after seven already.

"When do you have to be at work?"

"Don't, just doing Saturday and Sunday. Guess I forgot to tell you."

"Well, in that case, mister 'memory like a sieve', there's lots of things we can do right now that don't involve morning breath."

"You mean like this?"

Qui heaved up, wrapped both arms Ben's middle and wrestled him over onto his back. They tussled under the covers, hands shifting all over to get better holds, bodies sliding against each other. Mock growls and laughter changed to moans as Ben ended up on top and began rutting against the hard erection beneath him. Qui grabbed his ass and held him in place so they could pump their hips until they both orgasmed.

They lay together, side by side, breathing slowly returning to normal.

"Good morning. How are you this fine day, boyo?" Qui had a lazy smile as he leaned up on one elbow and looked down.

"I am doing just fine when I can start the day with you."

"Love you, too. Dibs on the shower." Qui slid out of bed before Ben could react and gave him a jaunty salute before turning to walk toward the door.

"Asshole!" Ben consoled himself by watching Qui's ass as he left.

*** *** ***

It seemed that they were not the only ones not operating on a normal workday schedule.

Ben and Qui went up around eight and found that Jane was just finishing mixing batter for pancakes as coffee perked and a packet of bacon was lying open, ready to go on the griddles Jane had laid across the stove's burners.

"Morning. What can we do to help and where is everybody?" asked Qui.

"For now, just set the table for six. I don't want to start cooking until Rafa gets back, which should be any time now."

"Six?" Ben was already pulling down plates.

"Yep. Six for today." Maureen was yawning as she came in the kitchen, dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt. "Rafa went to fetch Misha. They were on the phone last night, and he offered to help with the church stuff today, so we're going to feed him first." She yawned again.

"You're certainly looking bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning," teased Ben.

"Rafa and I stayed up late in her room to chat after we finished with bridge." She poked Ben in the ribs. "Woman talk, so you wouldn't be interested."

Ben rolled his eyes. "Right, deep, dark secrets of the female psyche. How much giggling went on?"

Maureen stuck her tongue out. "We talked about the travails of college, mostly. And Life. And Boys who think they're Men just because they've passed a certain number of birthdays. And Men who are Oblivious."

"Oho, sounds like – " Ben's words were interrupted by the banging of the front door and the barking of Jane's two Rottweilers as they came rushing out of the utility room. "That must be Rafa and Misha."

Moments later they both entered the kitchen. Dexy and Delilah had each appropriated one of Misha's legs and he was trying to scratch both broad heads at the same time.

There was a general chorus of 'hello' and 'welcome'.

"We put Misha's pack and sleeping bag in the living room. He wants to use one of the pullouts if it's okay."

"You don't have to do that, son. We've got a spare room upstairs you can use."

"I do not wish to be an imposition, Mrs. Brandon." Dexy had turned around so Misha could scratch above her tail and she was wiggling so hard he was having trouble keeping his thin frame upright.

"Well, I suppose – " Jane looked at the dogs and smiled. "Of course, that'll be fine. And there's plenty of wood for a fire, too." She continued briskly, "Let's get on with breakfast. Who wants fried eggs or scrambled eggs with your pancakes?"

After a sumptuous feast, they were all enjoying a last cup of coffee or tea.

"What's on tap for the next few days?" asked Qui.

"Today, working at the warehouse, tomorrow big cleanup at the church and Sunday services with Easter dinner late afternoon over to Liz and Linda's place. About ten, Rafa, Misha and I are heading over to the shared church warehouse. We'll be putting the last big batch of food and gift baskets together. After three o'clock, some folks will be stopping by to pick up a basket and drivers will be delivering in shifts. We'll keep on with the baskets 'til we've finished with all the donations, which we're figuring will be between four and five. I'll be putting dinner on to simmer in the dutch oven. That's pretty forgiving on time, so I'll be finishing up everything else when we get home. You can plan on eating around seven, but I'll give you a call if we're running late."

"Seems like the kind of thing you could use extra hands for." Maureen looked at Ben and Qui. "Unless you guys had something else specific in mind for today?"

Ben looked at Qui and shrugged. "Nothing in particular, I guess."

"Sounds like a worthwhile bit of work to be doing, so I don't mind."

"Are you sure? I know Maureen has to leave tomorrow, and you boys don't get too many days off together, so I didn't want to ask."

"Don't worry about that, Mrs. B." Maureen gave a big smile. "We'll get to do useful work together, and I'd really like that. And we can do something fun tonight after dinner."

"That's right nice of you. We appreciate all the help we can get."

They took two cars to the warehouse, Rafa's Subaru and Maureen's rental car. The warehouse shared by several churches was already being set up with long tables full of food items and other tables with small toys, easter eggs and candies. One corner was set aside for making up baskets for people with special dietary needs. Representatives from each church had lists of names, matching them against tags on baskets. Near the front door several racks of color-coded shelves were waiting to hold completed baskets.

There were people of all sorts, sizes and ages who had answered the call for support. Ben and Qui offered to help the runners responsible for monitoring the stations on the tables, replenishing items from bags, boxes and shelves. The others were assigned to assembly teams.

The church leaders gave a short prayer, everyone cheered briefly and got started. Work moved along quickly as music poured from a boombox. The mood was happy and excited as people talked about their Easter plans and Ben soon found himself humming along to the tunes, exchanging smiles and jokes. Teams staggered their breaks, stopping for drinks and sandwiches provided by a couple of local scout troops. Ben had a chance to snag a few chats with his housemates and was pleased to see that everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves.

A little after five, the crowd gathered again at one end of the long building. Ben looked around and was amazed to see how empty the shelves were, almost all the donations distributed or on their way to waiting families. The church leaders gave their final words of thanks and blessings. Afterwards, the assistant pastor for Jane's church, Boris Mercado, mingled among his followers shaking hands and giving hugs.

Ben's crew made it home at a quarter to six.

"Mmmmm, smells fantastic." Ben dropped into a chair amidst the enticing aromas filling the kitchen.

Jane lifted the lid of the dutch oven, stirred the contents and took a taste. "Chili is turning out right nice tonight. I'll get the rest going."

While Rafa and Misha went out to the barn to feed Cel and get her settled for the night, everyone else divvied up the meal prep tasks. The smell of cornbread muffins soon joined the tickle of chili. The table was set, coleslaw, shredded cheeses, beverages and condiments laid out. Shakers of additional spices were added so each person could make their chili as hot as they wished.

There was little talk as people dug in. They were happy but pleasantly tired after their efforts so the hearty meal was greatly appreciated. Ben smiled a little as he saw Jane surreptitiously filling Misha's plate a second and third time.

They lingered over ice cream to take the edge off the heat from the chili.

"You did some nice work today, Misha," said Qui.

"Thank you, sir. I was just trying to be helpful," Misha replied earnestly.

"Well, you did just fine, and we're glad you came." Jane pointed her spoon at Maureen. "And you, too, Maureen."

"I enjoyed it." Maureen glanced at her brother. "Our mother does a lot of work for her church, so it was nice to have a chance to do something here. It was all for a good cause."

Ben smiled at Maureen. He had a good idea why she'd said that, but it was still true nonetheless. "Yeah, it was a good day, getting to work with everybody."

"Another great meal, Mrs. B. How about we clean things up and then play some games, if everybody's up for that?"

There were general exclamations of agreement. Cleaning and dishes went quickly, then they looked through the assortment of games in the hall closet. They decided on Monopoly since it would accommodate all of them.

They chose to keep the game quick by honoring the rule that a property is auctioned off if the person landing on it chose not to buy it. The next hour passed quickly with lots of friendly joking, gibing and exclamations of joy or dismay. Misha proved to be quiet but effective, some lucky rolls of the dice netting him the coveted Boardwalk and Park Place set. Maureen gave him a run for his money through some shrewd trades and bulking up on hotels, but Misha finally was declared the winner.

They swapped over to speed Scrabble next, using two boards for three people each. They set twenty-minute time limits per game, changing people around after each one. This second hour proved to be even more lively, with Maureen, Rafa and Qui winning most of the games.

By unanimous consent, they decided to end the evening on a quieter note. Jane and Rafa fixed hot cocoa and cookies as Qui and Ben built a fire in the living room. Jane, knitting in hand, and Maureen claimed two armchairs, Ben and Qui sat together on one sofa, Misha and Rafa took a loveseat with Dexy and Delilah sprawled at their feet.

Ben was feeling remarkably mellow as he snuggled into Qui's side and sipped his cocoa. He was content to bask in the fire's glow and warmth and mostly just listen to flow of words. Maureen provided tales of college mishaps and pranks, Qui added stories of some of the not-so-smart things people had done out in the Keogami, Jane commented occasionally and encouraged Rafa and Misha to join in. Ben enjoyed seeing how well everyone was getting along and how much they seemed to like each other. He smiled when he noticed that Misha had slipped down to sit on the floor, the dogs resting their heads on his legs as Rafa had a hand on one of his shoulders.

All good things must end eventually, however. Qui reluctantly announced he needed to be at work early the next morning. Jane allowed that it was starting to get late for her, as well. They did a quick cleanup, stoked the fire with fresh wood and Qui gave Maureen a big hug since she would be leaving before he got back from work. Jane and Qui left, leaving the young people to continue their conversations.

*** *** ***

**_Saturday_ **

Ben didn't mind waking up early Saturday. He and Qui made time for a cuddle and quick mutual hand jobs. Qui gave him a final kiss before getting up and Ben drifted back off to sleep.

At seven, Ben got up, showered, dressed. When he went upstairs, Jane was the only one in the kitchen. She was just beginning preparations for breakfast as the other three were up but had gone out to the barn. Ben stepped in to help.

After a big spread of ham, eggs, hash browns and biscuits, everyone helped clean up. Rafa, Misha and the dogs went out to the barn while Ben and Maureen adjourned to the basement.

Sitting on the sofa, the siblings talked for a little bit about this and that, reminiscences from the past, how nice Maureen's visit had been, the things they'd done for the church. Words slowly ran down until there was a prolonged silence.

"So, I don't want to push, but it would be nice if I had something to tell Mother about what you've been thinking."

Ben didn't pretend to misunderstand what Maureen was asking. He cleared his throat and began slowly, "Uh, you can tell her about Grandmother Lanahan's visit if you want. The parts about her offering the money to go home, about getting rid of the restraining order and the offer to use Mother's money for college." He hastened to add, "I want you to make sure she understands I didn't turn down all that money to go home because of her. It wasn't like that at all. I was tempted to, I really was. I do miss things about what I used to have. But I've made a new home, with a new family, a job I like, a man I love…" Ben waved a hand vaguely. "All this out here, really… but I'm still sorting some things out in my head, and I don't have the words yet for where I want to go from here."

"I can do that. You're still planning to go to the university here, right?"

"Absolutely. I'm just waiting for the acceptance letter. It's not going to be easy; in fact I expect it to be a real wicked grind for quite a while since I'll still be working full-time. Finishing the degree is important to me, just this huge push inside to finish what I once started, maybe to prove to myself that I can do it."

"I can understand that. I'll let Mother know you're still working on things. I'll tell her about the people here, how happy you are and that you're in good hands. And I want to print some of the pictures I took the other day. I think Mother will like seeing you with Qui."

"I hope so. She did say she still had issues of her own to sort out about me being gay and how that squares with her religion."

"Yeah, that one may be a little tricky, but I know she's going to work hard on that. Once she puts her mind to something, she can be pretty dogged about getting it done."

"Like mother, like daughter, huh?" Ben grinned.

"Like grandmother, like mother, like daughter is more like it." Maureen grinned back. "I need to head for the airport pretty soon, so let's go back upstairs."

"Okay."

They stood up, but Ben touched Maureen's arm as they got to the door. "Look, I don't want to leave things hanging too long. I plan to try to work things out in the next couple of days, at least for initial thoughts on what I want to do about the school money. Tell Mother I'll be writing a letter to her, not just an email; I want to give her a chance to read it before we talk on the phone. Okay?"

"I think that's a great idea – a real letter means a lot more these days. I'll let her know and I'm sure she'll be looking forward to it."

Ben gave Maureen a big hug and a whispered 'thanks'.

They stopped by the kitchen and found the others gathered there.

"Didn't want to miss you leaving, Maureen. We enjoyed having you here and hope you can make it back sometime." Jane handed a bag to Maureen. "A little something for the road. And some of my special brownies for your mother."

"Thanks a bunch, Mrs. B. I really appreciate the goodies. I loved being here and yes, I do definitely plan on more visits. It was nice to meet all of you."

A round of hugs followed. Even Misha got one – he had put out his hand for a shake and looked bewildered by the enthusiastic embrace Maureen bestowed on him. Everyone trailed out to the car, and Ben put Maureen's suitcase in the trunk. One last round of hugs, then Ben leaned in the window after Maureen got in and started the car.

"Thanks for coming out, and helping with Mother and me, and, well, for everything."

"I'll always look out for you, little bro." Maureen smiled. "You take care of yourself and your hunky ranger, okay?"

"I will." Ben stepped back and waved as the car pulled out, then followed the others back into the house.

After a simple lunch of soup and sandwiches, Jane, Ben and Misha piled into Rafa's Subaru to go to the church. Jane had stashed a couple of boxes of cleaning supplies in the back. She had explained to Ben earlier that their church had developed a sort of tradition of doing a 'pre-Easter' spring cleaning and decorating; he had happily offered to join them.

They pulled past the wooden sign that read "Church of Universal Fellowship" and parked in the big gravel lot by the side of the building. Underneath the name of the church were black letters, 'Reverend Charles Jenkins'. The 'C' was slightly off-kilter.

Ben and Misha carried the boxes as they joined other people milling around in the foyer. Light streamed in through large windows. Conversations died down as the pastor, Charley Jenkins, welcomed everyone and turned them over to his assistant, Boris, to get their team assignments for cleaning various parts of the church and auxiliary rooms. Children were dropped off in a side room where a couple of women had offered to watch them.

As Ben and Misha were washing windows in one of the multi-purpose rooms while others were giving walls, tables and chairs a good scrubbing, Jenkins came through. He was giving everyone words of thanks and encouragement as he made his way around.

"Ben, good to see you again. Thanks so much for helping out."

"Just happy I could do something useful, sir. I remember how you got help for Rafa with her horse and with helping Qui move to Jane's house, so I certainly don't mind helping out when I can."

"Hey, don't need to be so formal, remember?" Jenkins looked around. "Got a moment?"

"Sure."

They went out into the hallway.

"Jane tells me things are going well with you and Quilan. I just wanted to check in with you and see if there's anything you might like any help with, even if it's just to talk for a bit."

"I appreciate that, but things are going mostly pretty well in that department. Not perfect, maybe, because we're still working things out and neither of us is perfect… but I am really, incredibly happy to have him in my life."

"That's good to hear. It always makes me glad when any member of our family is finding joy in their life."

"Uh, I'm not really a member of the congregation…"

"Ben, my dear boy, you are part of Jane's family. That makes you part of our family, you and Quilan both, for as much or as little as you wish to participate. Adjunct members, remember? You will always be welcome." Jenkins waggled an eyebrow. "And not to be a pain, but the job description says I need to invite you to the services tomorrow. You'd have lots of company with the 'twice-a-year' folks."

Ben laughed a little. He remembered very well the crowds who had flocked to their Catholic church primarily for Easter and Christmas. "Thanks for the offer, but I don't think I'm ready for going back to formal religion."

"Formal?" Jenkins gave a little mock shudder. "Serious when necessary, absolutely, but I think I'd scare off at least half my congregation if I went too far into the big fancy hoop-te-do ceremonies. I shall be speaking of resurrection tomorrow, of course, but in terms of renewal and rebirth, as an inspiration to better yourself and help others. That is the kind of thing that holds us together in our little church. If any of those sorts of thoughts are helpful to you, please give a few moments to pondering them." He smiled. "Probably a far cry from what you were used to back in Boston, but it works for us." He touched Ben's arm briefly. "Door's always open. Thanks again for coming by to help out."

Ben watched as the pastor stopped to talk to somebody else. A far cry from Boston is certainly an understatement, he thought. He shrugged and went to get back to work. He'd think about those sorts of things later.

With so many people helping and the building being comfortably large but not huge, it was only a few hours before everything was spiffed up. Flowers and simple decorations were put out, then the pastor gave a short blessing and thanked everyone for their help. He wished them a good Easter and reminded them of the various times of services.

Back home again, Jane shooed everyone out of the kitchen and set about putting together what she called a 'clean out the fridge' dinner, using extras and leftovers she had stockpiled during the week since there would be a sumptuous Easter dinner on Sunday. Rafa and Misha took the dogs out to the barn and Ben took advantage of the time to do some cleanup of his own in the basement as well as running a load of laundry.

After dinner and clearing up, they lingered for a bit just chatting until Rafa reminded them she had promised to get Misha back to the university in plenty of time before he had to report for work to help with the server and network upgrades. Jane insisted that Misha take a bag of food with him.

Back in the basement, Ben decided he wanted to work at the table in the main area instead of his desk so he could spread out papers. He started some instrumental music playing, set a bottle of water on the table and used the bathroom. He glanced at the clock – six-thirty and Qui probably wouldn't be home for at least another couple of hours.

Having run out of ways to procrastinate, Ben got his laptop, lists, paper, pencils and markers and set everything out on the table. He sat down and began reviewing his lists, trying to sort out what decisions he needed to make now. He began jotting down random notes on a fresh sheet of paper.

A half hour later, Ben suddenly sat upright and smacked himself in the side of the head. "Shit! I forgot all about those frigging financial-aid forms!" He leaned back in his chair, eyes half-closed as he ran over the terms of what he submitted. "Yeah, I signed my name telling them I had no other means of paying for college except what I made at my job," he muttered. "But that's not true anymore. I've got a solid offer on the table." Ben shook his head. "I can't go back to that aid lady with a straight face and take whatever money they were going to give me. That just wouldn't be right."

"Okay." Ben blew out a big breath. "Right now, most of this comes down to two things."

Ben pulled off a new sheet of paper and picked up a black marker. On the top half of the paper, he wrote in big block letters the word 'FAMILY'. On the bottom half he made a large dollar sign. He drew a circle around the top word, then another circle around the dollar sign that intersected the first circle.

"Family is big. Family is important. I think I have pretty much had that beaten into my head here recently."

Ben stopped and sat back in his chair again. He looked up at the ceiling, one eye half-squinted and lips pursed. He stared up for almost full minute before shaking his head. "I know it's Easter and all, and that I've had this family thing explode in the last several days, but… naaaaaaah. I don't think I even want to go there, at least not right now. Sorry, Rev, I'm still not going to church tomorrow."

"So, family is not just blood, but it isn't just not blood, either. For Grandmother Lanahan, you stand by your own family. But I think she understood about the family I've got here. Jane, Qui, Rafa… even Misha. And friends at work. And the UPA, Keogami and church people, too. I feel good to be with all of them and I feel good when I can do things for them. What I have with Maureen, though, that's real special, a different kind of special from what I have with Qui. And I'd like to get on better terms with Mother, that's for sure." Ben gave a small snort. "And I'd like to get to know Grandmother Lanahan better, too. She IS already on the guest list for the wedding, whenever Qui and I make it to that point."

"Alright, that's good. I just have to figure out how to put what I need to say into a letter. Sooo, stuff like yes, want to get together, yes, I'm gay and going to marry Qui, and yes, would like to talk when she's ready." Ben tapped on the dollar sign with a pencil. "The money for college, that's tied up with what Mother would like and what I need to feel right about myself. I think I was pretty much already leaning toward accepting at least some money even before I remembered about those damned aid forms. So where does that leave me?"

Ben pulled his laptop over and turned it on. "Good thing I downloaded all that stuff," he muttered as he started pulling up files with the aid forms, university aid policies, scholarships and the most recent fee and tuition schedule. He opened the spreadsheet he had created to sort out his budget for his own expenses and switched to the tab for projected school expenses and potential funding sources.

Another half hour passed as Ben jotted notes on yet another piece of paper, flipping back and forth between files, creating categories and columns and filling in numbers, then more notes.

Finally, Ben tossed his pencil down, stood and stretched. He picked up his bottle of water and took a few swigs as he walked around, rolling his shoulders. He went back to the table and sat down.

"Alright, let's see what I've got." Ben tapped the pencil on various numbers. "I can live with Mother covering tuition and fees, which is the biggest piece… I'm only going to be able to manage going half-time at best for fall and spring semesters, so it's not going to be a ton of money at any one time, but it is going to drag on for a few years. I want to cover my books, room and board. I need to let her know I still intend to apply for merit scholarships. And I definitely want there to be a way to show her she's going to get 'value for her investment', maybe by setting minimum grade levels and progress." He leaned back in the chair, hands behind his head. "I think that's probably the best I can come up with. Mother will like being able to chip in, and I've got to admit it will be nice not having to worry about possibly needing to take out any loans. And if I don't have to use the tuition assistance benefit from work, I can look at getting a little better health insurance. This setup means I probably won't have to dip into savings… in fact, I should be able to keep adding to that, build up something for emergencies and such." He gave a wistful little smile. "And for a wedding someday."

Ben slowly nodded a few times as he stared at his papers. "Yeah, this'll work." He shook his hands and grimaced. "Now for that damned letter."

Although Ben's intention was to send an actual hand-written letter, he turned to his laptop to work on his draft. He tapped away, deleting, typing, swearing, typing, deleting, moving and swearing again as he struggled to craft just the right words. He was so engrossed in his effort that he jumped when a hand touched his shoulder.

"Aaaagh! Jesus, it's you." Ben blew out a gust of air, stood up and wrapped himself in Qui's presence.

"Sorry to startle you, boyo. Guess you didn't hear me come in."

"Nah, been sucked up in trying to get this letter to my mother written. It's being a major pain in the ass."

"I should best be leaving you to it, then."

"No, no, it's fine. Have you eaten yet?"

"I did. Jane made a remarkable feast out of leftovers."

"She is a magician in the kitchen, that's for sure. Hey, look, I'm actually just about done with the draft. Would you mind taking a look at it? I’d really appreciate your thoughts about it."

"I can certainly be doing that for you. Give me a few minutes to change and take a shower."

"Thanks. Appreciate it."

Ben sat back down to start fine-tuning things, sentence by sentence. He had gotten through the entire thing by the time Qui sat down at the table.

"I'm going to do the letter itself by hand to send to my Mother. I think she'd really like that." Ben increased the text size for easier reading and turned the laptop toward Qui. "It's mostly about the relationship, getting back together, and then about the money for college. I don't want to rush things, but I think she deserves to hear something now that we can build on when we're ready. I'll be calling her on the phone after she's had a chance to read the letter."

"Sounds like a good plan. Let's see what we've got."

Ben tried to keep himself from fidgeting as Qui did a first quick read, then a slower pass. He forgot about moving, though, when Qui began to read the letter out loud. It reminded him of their early days together.

"Wow," sighed Ben when Qui was finished. "That sounds so much better when you read it like that."

"'Tis a good letter. Very thoughtful and looks like you put a lot of work into it."

"I did. Seems like it's been way longer than a week since I talked to Mother on the phone, but I've been thinking about family a lot this week what with everything that's been going on. If Mother and I can be family again, I think that will be a good thing. Maybe not easy to get there, but worth the effort. I thought about family here, us, the church folks, work… all that. I remembered how good it makes me feel when I do something good for them, so I figure if it will give Mother a chance to feel good by helping with college then I should do that. I don't need to have that stick so far up my ass about wanting to do everything myself."

"Accepting help with grace." Qui gave a little crooked half smile. "Tis progress you've made, boyo."

It took Ben a few seconds to remember those words from some of their very early discussions. "Oh." A little blush crept up the back of Ben's neck. "I hadn't thought about it that way. It just felt right."

"As it should." Qui scrolled through the letter. "If you're not minding a few suggestions…"

Twenty minutes later, Ben had corrected some typos Qui had found and had notes on some potential wording changes. Not a lot, but certainly a few things he wanted to think about fixing.

"Thanks. I'll let it rest overnight, then take another pass through it before I start writing it down." Ben shut down the laptop and gathered his papers. He glanced at the clock and realized that it was getting on toward ten already. "Do you have to go in early again tomorrow?"

"Thank the saints, no, don't have to be there until ten." Qui grinned. "The overnight crew is going to keep an eye out for people wanting to be holding their own private sunrise services out in the woods in places they shouldn't be."

"That's great. I was sort of wondering if maybe you'd like to just have a quiet evening. I know you've been putting in some long hours, and I'm feeling kind of bushed myself after everything."

"That would be fine with me. Were you after doing anything in particular?"

"Uh, how about reading?" Ben cleared his throat. "Aloud? If you don't mind. I don't care what it is."

"Has been a while, hasn't it?" Qui got a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Sandy did send me some new PSAs I need to be practicing…"

Ben laughed. "Anything you want, even those."

"I'll see if I can be finding something a bit more interesting. How about we both get ready for bed first?"

Ten minutes later they had both completed evening ablutions and were getting comfortable in bed. Qui was propped on several pillows and Ben settled into his side.

"Thought I'd go back to a story I haven't read in a while. The plot's not terribly exciting, but the writing is quite fine." Qui put on his reading glasses and picked up a paperback from the night stand. 'A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man' by James Joyce."

"That sounds good. It's been quite a while since I've read that, too."

Ben relaxed into the warmth of his mate's voice as Qui began the adventure of the young Stephen Dedalus and his adventures in a boarding school, moving to Dublin, learning of life and sensual pleasures, his challenges with his religious beliefs and eventual departure to Europe.

Words began to blur as Ben's thoughts gradually drifted. Random images and sounds floated through his consciousness… the unexpected voice of his mother, Grandmother Lanahan's silver cane, Maureen's laugh at some joke he'd made, people gathered around a table eating as Jane served a chocolate pie, a grateful mother's face as she picked up a big Easter basket of food… Myrna growling beneath him on a sunny day… friends… family… life… and love that wove them all together. Ben was soothed by the baritone tones that carried away his problems and hurts, dissolving them into gossamer wisps. Ben turned on his side and let his head rest on Qui's chest. The dulcet voice gained a more resonant depth as Ben both heard and felt the sounds come forth.

Ben vaguely remembered thinking that he was floating in heaven, warm and protected. His eyes closed and he missed the indulgent smile, the lips that softly touched his head and the whispered "Good night, love" as the light clicked off and darkness reigned.

_Finis_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks: To the beta readers who made this a better story (Merry Amelie, starhunter79, Lady Saddlebred). All mistakes are my own.
> 
> Spoilers: None, alternate reality set in 21st century Earth in fictional part of the western U.S.
> 
> Notes: 1. The primary setting is not based on any actual specific real location or persons but is a composite of possible geography, town features, transplanted state university, etc. 2. The federal agencies mentioned are real but liberties have been taken with some policies, practices and job duties. 3. The base story plus the first eleven sequels constitute what I consider the first story arc of Master's Voice and takes them up to the point in their internal timeline two months after Quilan moved in with Ben. Story 13 begins the next major story arc.
> 
> 4\. Here’s a reminder of some of the recurring key characters. Quilan Finn – law enforcement ranger at Keogami National Forest, Ben Kennan – motorcycle mechanic, Jane Brandon – Ben & Qui’s landlady, Rafaela Romero, another boarder at Jane’s house, Celesta (Cel) – Rafa’s horse, Liz and Linda – lesbian friends of Jane, Reverend Charles Jenkins – gay pastor at Jane & Rafa’s church, Frank Mendoza – Ben’s boss at Midway Motorcycles, Maureen Kennan – Ben’s sister, Mattie – university student intern filling in between semesters, UPA - United Public Access program at the university, Sandy Miller - director of UPA audio programs, WCC – Wildlife Conservation Center, Mikhail Petrovich Kuznetsov (Misha) – student at university/friend of Rafa.


End file.
